Therapy Thursday # 16: How to Heal Your Past Self So You Don't Turn Into an Unsavory Shit Head
TOPIC: Healing a past trauma
WHEN TO USE: When you've experienced a past micro or major trauma that negatively affects your current life.
HOW TO USE (With Examples): An old DBT therapist taught me this trick, and it's legit as hell.
TOPIC: Healing a past trauma
WHEN TO USE: When you've experienced a past micro or major trauma that negatively affects your current life.
HOW TO USE (With Examples): An old DBT therapist taught me this trick, and it's legit as hell.
E! True Hollywood Story: When I was in pre-school, we had a tactile 'activity wall' lined with zippers, buttons, hooks to fasten, etc. The last activity on the wall involved learning how to pin safety pins onto fabric. I went at it, feeling confident in my ability to unfasten, stab, repeat. The next thing I know my teacher rips my unfinished magnum opus out of my hands, and with the shrill of a thousand Jacob Sartorius fans squawks, "YOUR'E NOT READY FOR THAT!!!!!" I felt smaller than a single sprinkle inadvertently ground into the carpet of a Golden Corral by its shuffling patrons. Blessed be to my therapist; she had not only helped me uncover this repressed memory but had also worked with me to identify it as one of the roots of why I have trouble trusting myself TO THIS DAY. At that moment, I felt like my confidence in my myself was not to be trusted. I felt like my thoughts and feelings were not to be trusted. I felt like I needed to ask permission to do things I had once felt confident about doing. As my therapist would put it, I experienced a micro-trauma that carried into my adult life. Like, I get it. Teachers don't want 4-year-olds giving themselves nipple piercings next to the juice boxes. And! To be fair, I don't remember the entirety of the event so I could very well have been in the middle of that path but STILL LIKE DON'T SHAME-YELL AT KIDS ITS HELLA TRAUMATIZING. Also, don't put fucking safety pins on an activity board for people who require an hour of napping and animal crackers to be a part of their school curriculum.
ANYWAY - my therapist suggested visualizing my adult-self walking up to scared, pre-school Dominique and comforting her after seeing her teacher flip out. I could say to my young self like, "You're going to be just fine, little Dominique. You are ready for those safety pins, and you DO know what you're doing. No need to be scared or embarrassed. Your teacher was wrong, and you can trust yourself." Give little you a hug, pick them off the ground, hold their hand, pat their back -whatever comfort you needed back then but didn't get- envision giving it to your past self right now.
WHY IT'S LEGIT: You get a free pass to talk to yourself. Plus it almost feels like you get to go back in time to heal a situation.
ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories.
Hay! I'm not a therapist, so please read my disclaimer HERE.
Therapy Thursday #14: Throw Your Undying Paranoid Bullshit Thoughts On A Conveyor Belt
TOPIC: A trick to make unwanted thoughts get the fuck out of your head (at least for the time being).
TOPIC: A trick to make unwanted thoughts get the fuck out of your head (at least for the time being).
WHEN TO USE: When you have irrational thoughts or fears (about that one time in 6th grade when your friends little brother pointed out your girl-stache), when you're drowning in worries (that maybe, 20 years later, your co-workers are secretly staring at said girl-stache), or when you're dealing with negative self-talk (like feeling pressure from society to get rid of your girl-stache).
HOW TO USE (With Examples): Picture a conveyor belt above your head. Plop each worry on that conveyor belt and watch the worry in your mind scoot away and out of your head. Don't analyze it, don't hold onto it -just watch it go by. Full disclosure: this one is tough for me to this day, despite learning it years ago from my DBT therapist. If you have the ability to focus your mind on the conveyor belt and detach yourself from your thoughts, give this a try! I would encourage you to try this even if you think you can't do those things too. You may surprise yourself.
WHY IT'S LEGIT: The point of this trick is to learn to loosen your death grip on your negative thoughts. You are meant to simply observe your worries instead of analyzing, ruminating, and freaking out about them.
ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories.
Therapy Thursday # 13: How to Accept All the Clownery You Can't Change
TOPIC: Radical Acceptance - taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
WHEN TO USE: When you're having trouble experiencing grueling, painful realities. I used to use this to mourn and move on from breakups. Try this to soothe any trauma such as the passing of a loved one, acceptance of an addiction, change in health, or realizing you need to seek help. You can also use it for less-pressing situations like, "fuck, I really need to do my laundry." The possibilities are truly endless.
TOPIC: Radical Acceptance - taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
WHEN TO USE: When you're having trouble experiencing grueling, painful realities. I used to use this to mourn and move on from breakups. Try this to soothe any trauma such as the passing of a loved one, acceptance of an addiction, change in health, or realizing you need to seek help. You can also use it for less-pressing situations like, "fuck, I really need to do my laundry." The possibilities are truly endless.
HOW TO USE (With Examples): This worksheet below explains the step-by-step process to radically accepting your shitty situation. You can print out a million copies and fill them out over and over again for as long as it takes you to accept the issue at hand. I like to fill it out once, and re-read it for days/weeks/months until I'm good. You can def screenshot this and mark it up on your device or even write the answers on another piece of paper. I'm sure you already figured that out but whatevvvs.
This is a scan of a poorly-photocopied printout I got from my old therapist years ago. Pardon the undulated psychedelic format. Pretend it's vintage.
WHY IT'S LEGIT: Anything that gives you concrete directions on how to deal with life's bullshit is gold. I am in love with step 5; the different methods in which you can push yourself to radically accept. They fuggin' work, I swear. It's painful, it takes time, but you will thank yourself in the future for facing what once seemed impossible.
ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. (Except, I accidentally deleted this particular story - so this written recap will have to suffice).