Therapy Thursday: How To Tell Your Anxiety To Fuck Off

Check out the latest #TherapyThursday up on my IGTV right now! This time we’re talking about naming our anxiety and telling it to fuck off. Here’s a SUPER easy trick you can try in order to feel better right now. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

What is #TherapyThursday? TT is a weekly installment where I share with you one tip I learned in therapy over the years. Check it out HERE on my IGTV each week. Be sure to follow me on Instagram HERE so you never miss an episode.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional (just a professional psycho). Please don’t take my content as medical advice, a diagnosis, and/or treatment. Always talk with your doctor first before you try anything on this blog or my social media channels. Likewise, be sure to speak to your doctor before altering or starting a treatment plan. Thank you! 

Therapy Thursday: Act Like a Kid to Feel Better

The latest #TherapyThursday is up on my IGTV right now. If you don’t know, Therapy Thursday is a weekly installment where I share with you one tip I learned in therapy over the years. This time we’re talking about why periodically acting like a child can actually make you feel better. Watch my vid right HERE!

And if you’re not already following me on Instagram, do so HERE and never miss a Therapy Thursday again.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional. Just a professional psycho! Please don’t take my words as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always talk with your doctor first before altering or starting a treatment plan. Thank you! 

Therapy Thursday: Why Do I Feel Like Shit?

Here’s the latest #TherapyThursday! A weekly installment where I share with you one tip I learned in therapy. This time we’re talking about how to find out what might be responsible for your shitty mood. Check it out right HERE!

And if you’re not already following me on Instagram, do so HERE and never miss a Therapy Thursday again. xo!

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional. Just a professional psycho. Please don’t take my words as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always talk with your doctor first before altering or starting a treatment plan. Thank you! 

Therapy Thursday: How to Break Up With Your Trash Therapist

Welcome back to #TherapyThursday. The weekly installment where I share with you one tip I learned in therapy. Today we’re talking about three ways to break up with your therapist. 

Click HERE to watch now! And don't forget to follow me on Instagram @DomJoelleHaikel, so you don't miss an episode. 

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional. Just a professional psycho. Please don’t take my words as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always talk with your doctor first before altering or starting a treatment plan. Thank you! 

Therapy Thursday: (Legally) Get Your Meds on the Cheap

Did you know you can shop around for the lowest prices on your meds the same way you can for a pair of late-90s, rectangle-framed Gucci sunglasses? It's true. On this episode of #TherapyThursday, I'll show you how. 

Click HERE to watch! 

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WHAT THE HELL IS THERAPY THURSDAY?! I started #TherapyThursday when I realized how many people were in need of a therapist but didn't have the resources to find one (including myself at specific points). I share one trick, lesson, or lightbulb I learned in a personal therapy session with YOU each week in an Instagram story. Keep in mind, I'm not a therapist, mental health, or medical professional. This segment is not intended as a replacement for therapy or medical treatment. Please do not use it as such. This is purely a weekly space for people to gather, listen, ask questions, and ultimately feel less alone. For more info, please read my disclaimer HERE. Catch the segment every Thursday on my Instagram stories @DomJoelleHaikel. Don't forget to follow me there, so you never miss an episode! xo

Therapy Thursday: Mindfully Eat Your Meat

Sincerely sorry I could not think of a better title. 

CLICK HERE TO WATCH! 

WHAT THE HELL IS THERAPY THURSDAY?! I started #TherapyThursday when I realized how many people were in need of a therapist but didn't have the resources to find one (including myself at specific points). I share one trick, lesson, or lightbulb I learned in a personal therapy session with YOU each week in an Instagram story. Keep in mind, I'm not a therapist, mental health, or medical professional. This segment is not intended as a replacement for therapy or medical treatment. Please do not use it as such. This is purely a weekly space for people to gather, listen, ask questions, and ultimately feel less alone. For more info, please read my disclaimer HERE. Catch the segment every Thursday on my Instagram stories @DomJoelleHaikel. Don't forget to follow me there, so you never miss an episode! xo

Therapy Thursday: Breathe Your Bullshit Away

CLICK HERE TO WATCH! 

Update: I'm going to be linking my original Therapy Thursday videos from Instagram here instead of doing written recaps like THESE. That way you won't miss out on the original video if you don't have Instagram. xo!

Therapy Thursday # 16: How to Heal Your Past Self So You Don't Turn Into an Unsavory Shit Head

TOPIC: Healing a past trauma 

WHEN TO USE: When you've experienced a past micro or major trauma that negatively affects your current life.

HOW TO USE (With Examples): An old DBT therapist taught me this trick, and it's legit as hell.

E! True Hollywood Story: When I was in pre-school, we had a tactile 'activity wall' lined with zippers, buttons, hooks to fasten, etc. The last activity on the wall involved learning how to pin safety pins onto fabric. I went at it, feeling confident in my ability to unfasten, stab, repeat. The next thing I know my teacher rips my unfinished magnum opus out of my hands, and with the shrill of a thousand Jacob Sartorius fans squawks, "YOUR'E NOT READY FOR THAT!!!!!" I felt smaller than a single sprinkle inadvertently ground into the carpet of a Golden Corral by its shuffling patrons. Blessed be to my therapist; she had not only helped me uncover this repressed memory but had also worked with me to identify it as one of the roots of why I have trouble trusting myself TO THIS DAY. At that moment, I felt like my confidence in my myself was not to be trusted. I felt like my thoughts and feelings were not to be trusted. I felt like I needed to ask permission to do things I had once felt confident about doing. As my therapist would put it, I experienced a micro-trauma that carried into my adult life. Like, I get it. Teachers don't want 4-year-olds giving themselves nipple piercings next to the juice boxes. And! To be fair, I don't remember the entirety of the event so I could very well have been in the middle of that path but STILL LIKE DON'T SHAME-YELL AT KIDS ITS HELLA TRAUMATIZING. Also, don't put fucking safety pins on an activity board for people who require an hour of napping and animal crackers to be a part of their school curriculum. 

ANYWAY - my therapist suggested visualizing my adult-self walking up to scared, pre-school Dominique and comforting her after seeing her teacher flip out. I could say to my young self like, "You're going to be just fine, little Dominique. You are ready for those safety pins, and you DO know what you're doing. No need to be scared or embarrassed. Your teacher was wrong, and you can trust yourself." Give little you a hug, pick them off the ground, hold their hand, pat their back -whatever comfort you needed back then but didn't get- envision giving it to your past self right now. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: You get a free pass to talk to yourself. Plus it almost feels like you get to go back in time to heal a situation. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Hay! I'm not a therapist, so please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday #14: Throw Your Undying Paranoid Bullshit Thoughts On A Conveyor Belt

TOPIC: A trick to make unwanted thoughts get the fuck out of your head (at least for the time being). 

WHEN TO USE: When you have irrational thoughts or fears (about that one time in 6th grade when your friends little brother pointed out your girl-stache), when you're drowning in worries (that maybe, 20 years later, your co-workers are secretly staring at said girl-stache), or when you're dealing with negative self-talk (like feeling pressure from society to get rid of your girl-stache).

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Picture a conveyor belt above your head. Plop each worry on that conveyor belt and watch the worry in your mind scoot away and out of your head. Don't analyze it, don't hold onto it -just watch it go by. Full disclosure: this one is tough for me to this day, despite learning it years ago from my DBT therapist. If you have the ability to focus your mind on the conveyor belt and detach yourself from your thoughts, give this a try! I would encourage you to try this even if you think you can't do those things too. You may surprise yourself. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: The point of this trick is to learn to loosen your death grip on your negative thoughts. You are meant to simply observe your worries instead of analyzing, ruminating, and freaking out about them. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 13: How to Accept All the Clownery You Can't Change

TOPIC: Radical Acceptance - taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. 

WHEN TO USE: When you're having trouble experiencing grueling, painful realities. I used to use this to mourn and move on from breakups. Try this to soothe any trauma such as the passing of a loved one, acceptance of an addiction, change in health, or realizing you need to seek help. You can also use it for less-pressing situations like, "fuck, I really need to do my laundry." The possibilities are truly endless. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): This worksheet below explains the step-by-step process to radically accepting your shitty situation. You can print out a million copies and fill them out over and over again for as long as it takes you to accept the issue at hand. I like to fill it out once, and re-read it for days/weeks/months until I'm good. You can def screenshot this and mark it up on your device or even write the answers on another piece of paper. I'm sure you already figured that out but whatevvvs. 

This is a scan of a poorly-photocopied printout I got from my old therapist years ago. Pardon the undulated psychedelic format. Pretend it's vintage. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT:  Anything that gives you concrete directions on how to deal with life's bullshit is gold. I am in love with step 5; the different methods in which you can push yourself to radically accept. They fuggin' work, I swear. It's painful, it takes time, but you will thank yourself in the future for facing what once seemed impossible. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. (Except, I accidentally deleted this particular story - so this written recap will have to suffice). 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 12: Valentine's Day Edition

Some Valentines Day flowers from my darling Pops. If no one gave you flowers that day it's okay. We can share mine. xo

TOPIC: The Five Love Languages 

WHEN TO USE: If you're not great at communicating with your significant other. If they're not great at communicating with you. If you and/or your partner feel undervalued in the relationship even though the other party feels they are doing all that they can to show you their love. If you just want to know what the fuck your love language is, Dominique, GOD GET ON WITH IT. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Below are the 5 love languages as told by Gary Chapman, the author of the book with the same name. That last sentence was incredibly unclear. The book is called The Five Love Languages. The book is not called Gary Chapman. Onward. Each love language has an example of what that specific person might understand and recieve as a show of your love. If you don't want to get the book (it's corny as hell but its main ideas are useful a mon avis), you can take the quiz to find out your love language right HERE. REMEMBER: Below are simply VERY general examples of how someone with each love language MAY feel or MAY want to hear. Every person is different and the examples I provide below are not reflective of what everyone with that particular love language may want to hear/experience/feel/have/etc. In other words, always ask your partner what their needs are first. 

1. Words of Affirmation: "I'm the kind of person who wants to hear something along the spectrum of 'I need you, I want you, oh baby, oh baby.' I also appreciate general encouragement, and reassurance when I'm feeling insecure or uncertain. I like to hear that you love me and are here for me -on repeat. Compliments are often appreciated. I'm also a big fan of cards and letters, because, words." 

2. Acts of Service:  "I would find more joy in you cleaning my toilet than surprising me with a custom G-Wagon lined with the skins of a thousand Birkins. Maybe." 

3. Receiving Gifts: "Procure a signed, engraved, leather-bound script from the unreleased Sex and The City 3 or just come home with some Jollibee -really, who's counting? Also, I may like heartfelt cards, handmade goods, experiences paid-in-full (a soundbath session at the Integratron?! You shouldn't have!), etc. Pay attention to and note my interests, my Amazon wish-list, subtle hints, etc. And of course, ASK me what kinds of gifts I like receiving the most."

4. Quality Time: "Invest in me like I'm your stock portfolio. Date me, text me, call me, fax me. If it's printed on a candy heart, I'm probably okay with it. Even if it's just us sitting in on your couch, get to know me on that damn couch. Clear your schedule and make some time just for me. Introduce me to your Alexa. The more top-notch time we spend together, the more I am going to feel loved and appreciated."

5. Physical Touch: "You have my permission to put your hand in the back pocket of my jeans as we stroll the Fixer Upper collection at Target." 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because sometimes even though your partner thinks they are doing all they can to show you their love for you, the receiving party can't always see it. Once you learn your love languages, you'll each be able to see that while a back massage isn't worth shit to you, it's a massive shit to your bew. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my Instagram. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 11: Thought Log Your Probs Away

Me reading my thought log and realizing I didn't need to spend 6 hours sobbing about dropping an M&M on the floor.

TOPIC: How to make and use a thought log to regulate your emotions. To read more about thought logs, you can check out this book here that I reference for this installment of Therapy Thursday. It's called Mind Over Mood and I used it while I was going to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). 

WHEN TO USE: If you need something to calm down a panic attack, intense thoughts, irrational thoughts, worries, anger, jealousy, etc. 

HOW TO USE: Click HERE for more info on the example below. For more detail on how to use these charts, click HERE to read the description from the International Bipolar Foundation. 

EXAMPLES: Here are some things to note: 

-In the "Your Feelings" column, rate how extreme your moods feel when you are in the situation. 

-In the "Automatic Thoughts" column, circle your 'hot thought,' which is the most prominent thought that keeps popping up for you.

-"Case For" and "Case Against" just means 'what evidence do you have FOR or AGAINST the automatic thoughts you are thinking.

-Finally, rate your moods again at the end of the chart. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because nobody every said, "I've been really into freaking the fuck out about literally everything lately. You should try it."  

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or a replay of the story on my Insta page. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 10: I Tried Anger Management So You Don't Have To (But Maybe You Should, Tbh?)

TOPIC: How to tell if you're trying to win an argument instead working through one productively. According to my anger management class, winning an argument is not the goal, and only leads to the creation of more problems. 

WHEN TO USE: If you have trouble resolving arguments with loved ones or people in general. If you tend to fight dirty and use insults, underhanded comments, physical harm, and other emotionally abusive tactics. If you're often irritable or lash out at others. If you think you could benefit from anger management. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Here's how to tell if you're trying to win: 

-You point the finger at the other person: "It's your fault I'm like this!"

-You bring up blackmail-worthy information to hurt the other person: "Remember when you dated that abusive guy before me? No wonder you're abusive too." 

-You bring up past history: "Well, at 3 pm on October 7th, 1982 you forgot to wash the dishes!  Why are you getting mad at me for forgetting today?!" 

-You use black and white statements like 'you always' or 'you never:' "You ALWAYS forget to wash the dishes!" 

-You become passive aggressive: You expect your partner to read your mind. You expect them to know how you feel without your having to express it. 

-You use statements like, 'you're just like [insert person or thing here!]:' "You're just like my abusive ex-boyfriends' dog!" 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Realistically it's probably going to be hard to catch yourself doing these things right away. It has been for me. If I'm arguing with my significant other, for example, I like to have him catch me mid-fight when I accidentally pull one of those moves above. It's annoying but it helps me wake up and realize that I'm just trying to win and be mean. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 7: Smoke That Cig If You Really, REALLY Need To (Maybe)

After a brief holiday/self-care break...IM BACK with a new #TherapyThursday. I swear there are new blog posts on their way as well. Look out for a NEW SERIES too!!! Thanks for your patience as I figure out why every blogger is able to write 300 posts per week and I struggle to write one. I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the fact that many of my posts to come will involve a little bit of research so that I can give you information beyond that of my personal experience. Trust me if I just talked about myself all the time I'd be a fashion blogger posting pictures of my Saint Laurent bags next to acai bowls. Nothing wrong with that journey, it's just not mine (even though someday I hope to get to that level of bloggery). xoxo!

TOPIC: Being Effective aka "Doing What Works"***

WHEN TO USE: When you need to do something (anything!) that will get you closer to your goals.

HOW TO USE: Simply do what you need to do in the situation you are facing. According to my favorite DBT app, DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach, you need to "let go of the way things 'should' be and just do what works for your goal. Play by the rules, even if they are not the 'right' rules or ones that you agree with." If your action will get you to your goal, then it is effective. 

EXAMPLE: In my personal DBT experience, I used this skill in the following way: Let's say I'm in the middle of a hysterical mental breakdown and nothing I do is working to stop it. Even though I was trying to quit smoking at the time, I knew that a cigarette would make me feel better in that moment. I did what worked and had that cigarette. It got me closer to my goal of stopping my mental breakdown. I did not judge myself for having that cigarette either since it helped me to feel better.

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Like I mentioned, you will get closer to your goals, and hopefully feel better in the moment.

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

***NOTE: AHEM!!! This skill is not condoning or justifying unhealthy behavior - so just keep that in mind before you decide that running over someone with your car or whatever is "doing what works." NOT CUTE.

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 6: How to Not Feel Like a Useless Bunghole

Happy holidays all! Here's the latest #TherapyThursday from last week. 

TOPIC: Building Mastery; Reminding yourself you are a capable, accomplished human when you feel like a total skid mark. 

WHEN TO USE: When you feel like you haven't done shit all day, accomplished anything in life, feel worthless, or have a large/new goal or that seems impossible to achieve. 

HOW TO USE: Do one or more small things which remind you of how good you are at life. It can be things like taking out the trash, putting away the dishes, or, things you already know you excel at. For example, if I have something I am dreading writing because I feel as though I may fail, I go back and read some of my favorite pieces to remind myself that I am a bangin' writer and I can totally conquer whatever is in front of me. If you feel like you are not good at anything, you can pat yourself on the back for things like, "I got out of bed today," or "I survived another day." You should pat yourself on the back for those things any day, TBH. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: The goal is to feel more confident in yourself than you did before this exercise so that you may find the emotional strength to conquer all the things you have set out to do. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday Recap #3: Distract yourself so you don't lose your shit

Here's your #TherapyThursday recap! If you have any topics you'd like for me to cover - send me a message! 

TOPIC: How to temporarily move your mind out of a panic attack or away from obsessive thoughts using DISTRACTIONS.  

WHEN TO USE: Whenever you're freaking out about that tiny cut on your finger that's probably going to get infected and spread the infection over your entire face and body and you'll never be able to leave the house ever again and your cats will eat you until you're a skeleton and your remains will go undiscovered for 16 years omg omgomgomgomgoeirjoewjfwjg;j;3!!!!!!

HOW TO USE: There are a number of ways to use this trick. If I'm in the middle of a panic attack, grabbing an ice cube and holding it in my hand until it melts, is a great temporary distraction. Since the ice cube is so cold, it creates a shocking sensation that is powerful enough to take you out of your head and into the present moment with your ice. Other things you can do to bring up opposite emotions include watching or listening to shows, podcasts, songs, etc. that are extremely neutral or happy in their content. Arts and crafts, adult coloring books, etc. are also nice distractions. 

WHY ITS LEGIT: The hope is that by doing an action that brings up the exact opposite of the emotion you are currently feeling, it will take you out of a panicky headspace. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday Recap #1!

Hey all! Here's your belated #TherapyThursday recap from last week. I promise to be more timely about these as we move forward. Just getting used to the fact that I have A FREAKING BLOG NOW OMGAH.

TOPIC: How I Get Out of My Head When I'm Freaking Out/Anxious/Obsessing/Etc.

WHEN TO USE: Say you're on a plane and it starts shaking rather aggressively. You're all going to die, right? Right, if you're someone with anxiety like myself. Just kidding! You're better than that because you have this nifty trick i'm about to share with you. I like to call it, "focus and describe shit." If you couldn't tell, I have no recollection of its technical name because I was taught this roughly 10 years ago. Can also be used when you're obsessing, generally anxious, or any situation where you just need a break from the thoughts in your head. 

HOW TO USE: Pick any object/person/animal/thing in your surroundings. Start describing that thing to yourself in your head. For example: "The person sitting next to me has big nose. They have brown hair. They are wearing a green shirt. There is a earth-shattering booger on their sleeve," and so on. Alternatively, I'm sure it works just fine to describe said thing out loud or write it down as well. 

WHY ITS LEGIT: This exercise gets you out of your anxious, obsessive head space and into the moment. The goal is to focus less on whatever is stressing you out and more on the thing in front of you. Hope that helps! 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.