Therapy Thursday # 13: How to Accept All the Clownery You Can't Change

TOPIC: Radical Acceptance - taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. 

WHEN TO USE: When you're having trouble experiencing grueling, painful realities. I used to use this to mourn and move on from breakups. Try this to soothe any trauma such as the passing of a loved one, acceptance of an addiction, change in health, or realizing you need to seek help. You can also use it for less-pressing situations like, "fuck, I really need to do my laundry." The possibilities are truly endless. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): This worksheet below explains the step-by-step process to radically accepting your shitty situation. You can print out a million copies and fill them out over and over again for as long as it takes you to accept the issue at hand. I like to fill it out once, and re-read it for days/weeks/months until I'm good. You can def screenshot this and mark it up on your device or even write the answers on another piece of paper. I'm sure you already figured that out but whatevvvs. 

This is a scan of a poorly-photocopied printout I got from my old therapist years ago. Pardon the undulated psychedelic format. Pretend it's vintage. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT:  Anything that gives you concrete directions on how to deal with life's bullshit is gold. I am in love with step 5; the different methods in which you can push yourself to radically accept. They fuggin' work, I swear. It's painful, it takes time, but you will thank yourself in the future for facing what once seemed impossible. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. (Except, I accidentally deleted this particular story - so this written recap will have to suffice). 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 12: Valentine's Day Edition

Some Valentines Day flowers from my darling Pops. If no one gave you flowers that day it's okay. We can share mine. xo

TOPIC: The Five Love Languages 

WHEN TO USE: If you're not great at communicating with your significant other. If they're not great at communicating with you. If you and/or your partner feel undervalued in the relationship even though the other party feels they are doing all that they can to show you their love. If you just want to know what the fuck your love language is, Dominique, GOD GET ON WITH IT. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Below are the 5 love languages as told by Gary Chapman, the author of the book with the same name. That last sentence was incredibly unclear. The book is called The Five Love Languages. The book is not called Gary Chapman. Onward. Each love language has an example of what that specific person might understand and recieve as a show of your love. If you don't want to get the book (it's corny as hell but its main ideas are useful a mon avis), you can take the quiz to find out your love language right HERE. REMEMBER: Below are simply VERY general examples of how someone with each love language MAY feel or MAY want to hear. Every person is different and the examples I provide below are not reflective of what everyone with that particular love language may want to hear/experience/feel/have/etc. In other words, always ask your partner what their needs are first. 

1. Words of Affirmation: "I'm the kind of person who wants to hear something along the spectrum of 'I need you, I want you, oh baby, oh baby.' I also appreciate general encouragement, and reassurance when I'm feeling insecure or uncertain. I like to hear that you love me and are here for me -on repeat. Compliments are often appreciated. I'm also a big fan of cards and letters, because, words." 

2. Acts of Service:  "I would find more joy in you cleaning my toilet than surprising me with a custom G-Wagon lined with the skins of a thousand Birkins. Maybe." 

3. Receiving Gifts: "Procure a signed, engraved, leather-bound script from the unreleased Sex and The City 3 or just come home with some Jollibee -really, who's counting? Also, I may like heartfelt cards, handmade goods, experiences paid-in-full (a soundbath session at the Integratron?! You shouldn't have!), etc. Pay attention to and note my interests, my Amazon wish-list, subtle hints, etc. And of course, ASK me what kinds of gifts I like receiving the most."

4. Quality Time: "Invest in me like I'm your stock portfolio. Date me, text me, call me, fax me. If it's printed on a candy heart, I'm probably okay with it. Even if it's just us sitting in on your couch, get to know me on that damn couch. Clear your schedule and make some time just for me. Introduce me to your Alexa. The more top-notch time we spend together, the more I am going to feel loved and appreciated."

5. Physical Touch: "You have my permission to put your hand in the back pocket of my jeans as we stroll the Fixer Upper collection at Target." 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because sometimes even though your partner thinks they are doing all they can to show you their love for you, the receiving party can't always see it. Once you learn your love languages, you'll each be able to see that while a back massage isn't worth shit to you, it's a massive shit to your bew. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my Instagram. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

What to Get Your Favorite Saddie For V-Day

Happy Valentines Day to everyone except my greasy hair and crispy ends

Self-care gift roundups can literally munch my beef sheets. If I had a pill for every list that suggests buying the mentally ill "moisturizing socks!," I'd look like the bottom of my purse. A Coconut-Colada candle isn’t going to drive me to my psychiatrist’s office, wipe my ass, or file my taxes. While objet d'Bed Bath and Beyond do appear in these suggestions, this list strives to move past bath bombs and deeper into unisex portable mobile toilet territory. You can even click on some of them to buy because I am such. A good friend.

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Emergency Love Kit - My boyfriend got me this for Xmas and I burst into tears because I was so touched. These are tiny slips of paper enclosed in 'pills' in which you, thoughtful gift giver, can write messages to your loved one. If your beeb is into sentimental choking hazards - this gift takes the cake. Click "Emergency Love Kit" to see how kewt they are. 

Self-Care Apps - In case you're my mom or older, you can give apps as gifts! Send your chicken nugget some games to mellow their anxiety or an ever-trending meditation app. 

Positive Affirmation Cards - I so badly wanted to find an ultra #curated deck to show off here but I came up with nothing. If you can get past the very Chicos-Mom art, Louise Hay (RIP) makes cards with v inspirational messages and mantras. 

Scrapbook or Photo Album - Get one and fill it up with pics and mementos of all the fun shit you two have done together. Something about having a physical book of memories to reach for is très touching and nostalgic. 

Bomb Ass Pillow – None of these suggestions are sponsored, I swear. I just genuinely like or want or have paid for all of them - including my boyfriends Casper pillow. Honestly why freak over Bitcoin when you can invest in your bed?

Pre-Paid Therapy Sessions - Way better than floating a tub of bath bomb glitter that wont wash out of your leg hair. If you know the name of the therapist they see, call or email and ask if (and how) it's possible for you to pre-pay for your loved ones next session(s). If they aren't currently in therapy, you may offer to help them find one and arrange a way to pay for their first session. If you don't know who they see (and you trust that they'll spend the money on therapy but don't mind if they end up buying some Gucci mid-heel pumps instead) a solid Venmo/PayPal/bag of cash will do. 

Massage Gift Card - Alternatively, you can take your other half out for a spa day if they're having difficulty motivating themselves to do things on their own. Even more alternatively, if you live in a city where a masseuse can come to your house, schedule a massage day for the two of you. I treated my post-grad thesis depression with an in-home massage using the Soothe app. And by "in-home" I mean she came to my studio apartment because I'm a shameless princess. 

Self-Help Book - This can be a v touchy move, so I recommend gifting this to someone you KNOW won't receive it as a personal attack. I enjoy reading about my illness, and about how I can treat it. But again, not everyone longs for dark chocolate and Depression For Dummies. 

Gift Basket - Remember that unisex portable toilet I threw at you? Put it in your hand-curated self-care gift basket (only if you're realllllllly, really, butt-sniffingly close with your loved one and know they won't react negatively). Other ideas? Here's where all those neurotypical #wellness gifts come in handy. Essentially you can put anything you think they might like in the basket, but for the sake of self-care, think candles, essential oils, face wipes, masks, even a fidget cube. Adult coloring books, a water bottle, pill cases, journals - all good moves. For more ideas you can check out my emergency self-care kit lists, here, here, and hereeeee. 

Massager - If an actual massage appointment is too pricey,  dollar stores have awesome little massage tools you can gift instead. If you want something grand, Amazon has some serious machinery for your neck, your back, your nanner and your crack -right here. 

Meal Delivery Service - If you live in an area where services like Blue Apron are available, this is a great gift idea for someone who is having trouble getting out of the house to go grocery shopping. If your town hasn't caught up with the delivery dinner in a box thing, offer to do their grocery shopping for them for a day. Another option - meal prep for them so they don't have to worry about cooking for a few days. 

Cleaning Services - Has your darling been neglecting their surroundings? Front the bill for some cleaning help. Handy.com is a lifesaver. They even have people to who can put together your furniture. Don't have the $? Offer to help them clean their space, do their laundry, organize their office, whatever. 

Pop Up Bed Tent - I know this shit looks aggressive, but its a godsend to anyone who wants to be left the fuck alone. Bonus: turn it in a love fort with snacks, pillows, and those tiny ass string lights that are all over Pinterest.

Weighted Blanket - Rumor has it that these work wonders for anxiety and other unpleasantries. I haven't tried these yet, but at some point I'm going to need to evaluate this on Trick or Treatment. 

Heated Blanket - My friend had one of these on her bed growing up which made sleepovers at her house the utmost. Anyway, if you haven't tried it, it's like falling asleep in a float tank of melted Milky Way's and not drowning. 

Good Times Jar - Gird your loins, DIY gifters. This is just for you. Similar to the Emergency Love Kit (but free), get an old jar, some scraps of paper and a pen. Write down all the good memories/qualities/etc. about your person on these papers and put them in said jar. The goal is for them to read the notes when they're having a shit day and be like .00333% less sad afterwards. 

Happy Valentines Day! I know this holiday blows for many people but know that I <3 you and you can CERTAINLY buy any and all of these gifts for your own damn self. 

Therapy Thursday # 11: Thought Log Your Probs Away

Me reading my thought log and realizing I didn't need to spend 6 hours sobbing about dropping an M&M on the floor.

TOPIC: How to make and use a thought log to regulate your emotions. To read more about thought logs, you can check out this book here that I reference for this installment of Therapy Thursday. It's called Mind Over Mood and I used it while I was going to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). 

WHEN TO USE: If you need something to calm down a panic attack, intense thoughts, irrational thoughts, worries, anger, jealousy, etc. 

HOW TO USE: Click HERE for more info on the example below. For more detail on how to use these charts, click HERE to read the description from the International Bipolar Foundation. 

EXAMPLES: Here are some things to note: 

-In the "Your Feelings" column, rate how extreme your moods feel when you are in the situation. 

-In the "Automatic Thoughts" column, circle your 'hot thought,' which is the most prominent thought that keeps popping up for you.

-"Case For" and "Case Against" just means 'what evidence do you have FOR or AGAINST the automatic thoughts you are thinking.

-Finally, rate your moods again at the end of the chart. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because nobody every said, "I've been really into freaking the fuck out about literally everything lately. You should try it."  

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or a replay of the story on my Insta page. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 10: I Tried Anger Management So You Don't Have To (But Maybe You Should, Tbh?)

TOPIC: How to tell if you're trying to win an argument instead working through one productively. According to my anger management class, winning an argument is not the goal, and only leads to the creation of more problems. 

WHEN TO USE: If you have trouble resolving arguments with loved ones or people in general. If you tend to fight dirty and use insults, underhanded comments, physical harm, and other emotionally abusive tactics. If you're often irritable or lash out at others. If you think you could benefit from anger management. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Here's how to tell if you're trying to win: 

-You point the finger at the other person: "It's your fault I'm like this!"

-You bring up blackmail-worthy information to hurt the other person: "Remember when you dated that abusive guy before me? No wonder you're abusive too." 

-You bring up past history: "Well, at 3 pm on October 7th, 1982 you forgot to wash the dishes!  Why are you getting mad at me for forgetting today?!" 

-You use black and white statements like 'you always' or 'you never:' "You ALWAYS forget to wash the dishes!" 

-You become passive aggressive: You expect your partner to read your mind. You expect them to know how you feel without your having to express it. 

-You use statements like, 'you're just like [insert person or thing here!]:' "You're just like my abusive ex-boyfriends' dog!" 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Realistically it's probably going to be hard to catch yourself doing these things right away. It has been for me. If I'm arguing with my significant other, for example, I like to have him catch me mid-fight when I accidentally pull one of those moves above. It's annoying but it helps me wake up and realize that I'm just trying to win and be mean. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

February Self-Care Tarot: work on your shit

For me, releasing the first installment of Self-Care Tarot is equal in joy to buying a Saint Laurent bag and coming home to discover that it's stuffed with 56 packs of Fun Dip and a blank check signed by avec-mullet Dacre Montgomery. In other words, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Check out what our reader Cassandra Snow has to say about this month.  

-Dom

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A Note From Cassandra: As a professional tarot reader, I do a lot of work with people looking to improve their, spiritual, interpersonal, and work lives. Tarot can offer surprisingly practical and down to Earth information about where you are, where you can go, and how you should get there. As an empathetic, sensitive person with strong ties to communities where almost everyone has some degree of trauma or mental illness, most of what I do is helping people heal, learn more about themselves, and reconnect with their intuition.

February Card - The Moon

It makes sense that our first Tarot for Self-Care pull is The Moon. This is a card that many readers read negatively; deception and secrets often come up. I don’t buy this interpretation for a couple of reasons. For starters, The Moon is frequently aligned with feminine energy and dieties, and the vilification of that energy is needless at best. Furthermore, I don’t always think deception or secrets are a bad thing. We’re human. We’re allowed to have secrets! Sure, there are times when secrets are unhealthy, but [for example], if I’m seeing someone and don’t think my friends will ‘get it,’ I’m allowed to keep it quiet until I’m sure the relationship is for real (so long as they are legitimately kind to me and a good person to boot).

The primary reason I don’t read The Moon as a negative version of secrets and lies is that I’ve almost always seen it mean the client is deceiving or hiding important truths to themselves. The Moon’s function isn’t to rat them out per se, but to encourage you to look deeper into your own soul. The Moon requires digging into our subconscious and allowing repressed or forgotten memories to flood our senses so we can do the job of working through them. The Moon is very much about going deep and healing our pasts and subconsciouses. It’s also very much about trusting our own perceptions based on where we’ve been in our lives. [For example], if you know a job in an office setting leaves you feeling drained and bored for most of your day, keep looking and don’t take that job. It’s so much about actually trusting yourself and seeing through the lies capitalism, etc., tries to shove at us.

Relatedly, this card is also about trusting your own intuition. Maybe you’ve never had an office job, but you just know it isn’t for you. While there are many cards that encourage us to trust our logical mind, our February card promises that our intuition is spot on this month. As we’re working through the old memories and subconscious messages that we see in The Moon, we are very in touch with ourselves. It’s important to trust that.

In terms of what to expect this February, this is a good month to dig deep into trauma or dive into our biggest fears and insecurities to work through them. Doing this is safer with therapy, but there is work you can do on your own. Expect a lot of weird dreams as you do this, as that’s another face of The Moon. This is a great month to trust your intuition along the way and to reconnect with your inner voice. If you have a deck of tarot cards, a pendulum, or you meditate, call on those tools when all the messages swimming around inside of you get confusing. [For those who may not have or believe in those tools], I recommend just sitting in the dark and doing some deep breathing to help you have that mind-body connection and hear your inner voice a little bit better. I further recommend dream journals to keep track of repeated symbols or themes. That will help you untangle it all after a couple of weeks. Journaling, in general, is a great idea this month, and if you’re an extrovert, it’s an important month to make time to talk out old wounds with your most loving pals. Trust that all of this hard work helps you heal in a BIG way. You may even see some of your old issues and insecurities hit the road as a result of this month’s work. 

-Cassandra Snow

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About the Deck: The Fountain Tarot was created by Jonathon Saiz and designed by Andi Todaro. The book was written by Jason Gruhl. The deck offers fresh, creative, modern perspectives while staying true to the heart of traditional decks like the Rider-Waite Tarot. This is an independently published deck. You can learn more and buy your own here.

A Severely Boring But V Important Disclaimer From Me to Yew: Take-Your-Pills.com is not affiliated with The Fountain Tarot or its makers. I do not receive monetary compensation should you decide to click the link and/or purchase their products. As Cassandra noted in our interview, these monthly tarot card readings, along with the accompanying advice and tips, should NEVER replace medical care. Cassandra and I are NOT medical or mental health professionals. Any self-care tips given by Cassandra, myself, and the cards, are simply opinion and intuition-based, and NOT to be used as a treatment or medical advice for mental or physical illness. The advice/tips in these posts and card readings are NOT the final words on your health, wellness, illness, relationships, existence, fortune, loved ones, misfortune, personality, future, present, past, life, etc. This blog segment is meant purely for the purpose of providing the reader with a fun monthly blog post. Xoxo thank you!

Therapy Thursday # 9: My Half The Story Takeover

Last week I did a special (Friday) edition of #TherapyThursday on the Half The Story Instagram. Here's the recap below if you missed it!  

TOPIC: DEAR MAN (Read more about this skill in the DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach app!) 

WHEN TO USE: If you and I share the same life story of never being able to ask literally anyone (including but not limited to a sidewalk dandelion) for what you need. 

HOW TO USE: Each letter in "DEAR MAN" stands for the following - D: Describe the situation at hand, E: Express how you feel about it, A: Ask for what you want, R: Reinforce the other person/people/sidewalk dandelions you're asking, M: be Mindful, A: Appear confident, N: be willing to Negotiate.

EXAMPLE: D: "Hey roommate, I noticed last night that all my super spicy artisan pickles are gone and since you're the only one that lives here, I have reason to believe you ate them since I did not." 

E: "I feel disappointed and hurt right now because I was really looking forward to enjoying those super spicy artisan pickles." 

A: "I would appreciate it if you would reimburse me the $20 I paid for those pickles so that I may buy another jar." 

R: "You've been a great roommate thus far and I don't think you're a bad person for doing this." 

M: [Be mindful. For example: is your roommate getting mean or trying to throw the convo off track? Are you doing the same?

A: [Appear confident. Are you unnecessarily apologizing? Are you leading the discussion with your emotion mind instead of your wise mind? A great way to avoid appearing less confident is to practice what you're going to say beforehand].

N: Your roommate might say,  "Dom, I'm sorry I ate your super spicy artisan pickles. I'm happy to pay you back for them but I can't do that until I get my paycheck on Friday. Is that cool?" Be open to accepting an option like this. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Anything that helps you ask for what you need is legit

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Introducing: Monthly Self-Care Tarot With Reader Cassandra Snow!

I'll be pairing up with tarot reader Cassandra Snow for a monthly self-care tarot card reading! Starting Feb. 1st, look for some helpful self-care tips, to accompany the card of the month. Until then, check out the interview I did with Cassandra below to learn about our new segment. Find out more about the relationship between mental health and tarot, interpreting its messages, and how to enjoy this segment even if you think tarot is as legitimate as Gwyneth Paltrow in a lab coat. 

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A Note From Tarot Reader Cassandra Snow:

Thank you so much for bringing me on to Take Your Pills, Dominique. A little bit about me for those reading: in addition to being multi-passionate where my career is concerned, my life and identity has also been eclectic, and has led me and my tarot practice to where we are now. I have PTSD, C-PTSD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Persistent Depressive Disorder. I'm also physically ill which does not help the depression, let me tell you! I've got Rheumatoid Arthritis, PCOS, a thyroid that has never fully regulated, and a sexual dysfunction that is still super hard for me to discuss. After years of therapy and treatment for my physical ailments, I actually lead a fairly normal life (if you consider being a tarot reader & theatre artist normal, that is!)                                                                                              I'm super queer which means most of my free time is spent reading Autostraddle and glaring at Tinder. I live with my best friend in the whole world, and we share two cats who I regularly sing to instead of doing the work stuff I should be doing.

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-How should we use the advice from these cards to cope with our mental illnesses?

That's really up to you. You can read what energies or situations might arise this month and decide to handle it your own way. Or you might read the whole thing and decide my and/or Dominique’s tips for self-care is best. The big thing is, you can choose to use these tips to supplement any mental health care and self-care you're already doing.

-Can you share one golden nugget of self-care and/or mental health advice that's really been a game changer for you?

I think my entire life changed the day I internalized the idea that I don't actually have to do anything I don't want to or am not comfortable doing. We live in a world where there's so much pressure to do or be so many different things. A good friend/tarot reader/partner/self-help author will tell you that said pressure isn't relevant to you, and that your job is to live your best life the best way you're able to. I don't think I understand that saying no didn't JUST mean I could turn down work if I were too overloaded or that I could put up sexual boundaries. Those things are super important, but so is opting out of holidays that stress you out, turning down food that isn't good for you, sticking to restrictive food plans that aren't good for you, and even agreeing to have coffee with a potential new friend when you're actually not that interested. You can literally say no to anything! It's amazing! But it took a really long time for me to really see or understand that.

-How has your personal health journey affected the way you read cards?

I definitely think I'm much more open-minded of a reader than you might expect or see elsewhere. Some of this is because my queer identity is so integral to who I am, but a lot of it is because I have been through hell and back physically and mentally and I make no presumptions about what a client has or has not been through, and how that may affect their worldview and decision making. I want clients to walk away from a session with me feeling as empowered and confident as they can feel, and that means not casting any kind of judgment on their decisions or lives.                                                                                                                                                       It also has helped me see the cards in new ways; I think any life experience does that. I used to see the cards as more of a prophetic tool, but I can count on one hand the number of times in the past year I've done my own readings looking for answers about my future. Instead, it's made me really focused on what the cards have to say about what I need to work on, where I've already grown, and what I should focus on now. I think these are my strongest readings for clients too. 

-What's the best way for a tarot skeptic/non-believer to use the messages from these cards?

I actually have a couple of close friends and regular clients who are staunch atheists and skeptics. Pulling tarot cards isn't that different from analyzing ink blots or finding meaning in a work of art or piece of entertainment to those clients. Our subconscious brings out the things we need to see and hear, and there are actual psychology and science behind that statement. I think with anything we're skeptical of; it's best to just come in with an open mind and see what hits or doesn't hit for you. Maybe what I say, or what you add doesn't mean anything to a skeptic, but something in the card itself does strike them. That's okay. Just come in looking for advice on self-care and healing, and trust that that's really all I'm trying to provide. I'm not trying to evangelize tarot or my own brand of Paganism on people--in part, because evangelizing doesn't work, and in part because people's beliefs and even their lack of beliefs are important to who they are as a person. I would never try to change that or try to get you to become a different person, especially while you're undergoing a big self-care/self-love/healing process.

-How can consulting the tarot, getting readings, etc., benefit those with mental illness?

First of all, any time spent trying to understand, heal, and build yourself up is time well spent. There's the time aspect alone. I actually stay really busy during the holiday season with clients, not because people are buying sessions as gifts but because people literally need to sit and focus on themselves for an hour with everything out in the world being so hectic. Otherwise, the cards do have a lot to say about protecting, healing, and taking care of yourself. The cards can also provide mantras and spiritual work that do not and should not replace medical care but can certainly help ground you and lift your mood.

-How should we NOT interpret the advice of the cards/these readings?

Nothing I say is set in stone! Also do not ever substitute any spiritual work for the care of your doctors and therapists. You probably need both, but you DEFINITELY need their oversight. Also, my word is not the final law on what these cards can mean. If you know tarot and learned a card differently or see something totally different in the art, trust your own gut. Tarot is basically limitless, so don't feel like this is it.

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Bio: Cassandra Snow (she/her/they/them) is a professional tarot card reader & teacher, writer, and theatre artist living in Minneapolis, MN. She has been reading tarot professionally for nearly a decade and writes about tarot at their blog and at Little Red Tarot. Cassandra focuses her tarot practice on healing and empowerment for marginalized people, trauma survivors, and those struggling with their mental and physical health. She's also GREAT at business mapping and planning out practical steps with the tarot. Cassandra Teaches classes like Tarot 101 for Creatives, Queering the Tarot, and Sex & Tarot as well as coaches new readers one on one. Cassandra recently signed a book deal with Wieser Publishing to publish their work on Queering the Tarot and now spends much of their time drinking coffee and staring at their computer. That book will be out in early 2019.

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A Disclaimer From Meeee: As Cassandra noted in our interview, these monthly tarot card readings, along with the accompanying advice and tips, should NEVER replace medical care. Cassandra and I are NOT medical or mental health professionals. The self-care tips given by Cassandra, myself, and the cards, are simply opinion and intuition-based, and NOT to be used as a treatment or medical advice for mental or physical illness. The advice/tips in these posts and card readings are NOT the final word on your health, wellness, illness, relationships, existence, fortune, loved ones, misfortune, personality, future, present, past, life, etc. This blog segment is meant purely for the purpose of providing the reader with a fun monthly blog post. Xoxo thank you! 

Therapy Thursday # 8: Role Playing Your Emotional Fantasies

Welcome back to #therapythursday beeb. I've started saving these Insta-stories on the highlights bar of my Instagram page as well. Two recaps are better than one. Let's get into it. 

TOPIC: Role-Playing (Read more about this skill in the DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach app!) 

WHEN TO USE: If you have trouble saying no, setting boundaries, and asking for what you need. 

HOW TO USE: Rehearse potentially uncomfortable situations in your head, in the mirror, out loud, on paper, with a trusted human, a veal scallopini, whatever. Practice asking for exactly what you need (or need to say) and imagine yourself saying it to that person. This is super litty in situations when you're too scared to ask for a raise, or speak to an intimidating person figure, having trouble turning down unwanted sexual or romantic advances or situations, asking for what you need in relationships, saying no to going out with friends in order to take care of yourself, and much more.

EXAMPLE: "No, Tammy. I don't want to get crystal-infused enemas on Saturday. I need to catch up on sleep." 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: The more you practice running through these scenarios, the easier it may eventually be to conquer intimindating situations. This has helped me tremendously over the years. I know every mental health blogger and their therapist says this but hear me out. I'm a special fucking breed of crazy and if this can work for me it can DEF work for you. And again, if it doesn't, don't give up the good fight. Something will in time. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

New Series: Trick or Treatment?

There is scientific proof that traditional therapy and western medicine are legit resources for the treatment of mental illness. Both have helped me become the moderate resemblance of a human I am today. I am a firm believer in these methods. However, in recent years, my western doctors have instructed me to add non-Rx supplements like Omega-3’s, and Vitamin D to my medication plan. Does that mean we should embrace the possible offerings of holistic, spiritual, or unconventional treatments? With this new series, Trick or Treatment, we will find le fuck out.

Treatment Method: Green Smoothies. This one goes out to any ill person who’s ever been told that a simple juice cleanse or a week with a Vitamix would put them on the track to eternal happiness.

How: Drink a homemade smoothie (the Glowing Green Smoothie by Juice Goddess Kimberly Snyder to be exact) for a few days and see if my mood improves.

Mood Tracker:

Wednesday Before Smoothie: Accidentally blended the sticker that comes on apples into my smoothie, which speaks to my mental state that day. Also, I was tired and had moderate anxiety but what else is new?

Wednesday After Smoothie: Made a spiritual connection with my toilet. Poop came out smoothly and quickly and didn’t even have to use my makeshift Squatty Potty (which is literally me just flipping my teak bathroom trash bin on its side and putting my feet on top of it. I’m allowed to be gross ‘cuz I’m crazy). Anyway, this miracle poo made my stomach flatter, less bloated, and I didn’t feel as weighed down by all this shit food I put in my body recently. Furthermore, I was flying the fuck around work and got like 900 things done.

Thursday Before Smoothie: As tired as a single oxen pulling eight months of spoiled meat on the Oregon Trail. And bloated. 

Thursday After Smoothie: Just a tad sleepy, but again, I pooped perfectly, and I didn’t feel gassy and bloated as per usual. Was also productive at work. Also, I added raspberries to this smoothie which I felt like I should note since I strayed from the original recipe. Unclear if that made a difference or not, but I felt like mentioning it would be more science-like.

Friday Before Smoothie: I had to throw out my romaine lettuce, the literal base in which my smoothie (and blog post) existed because apparently, E. Coli wants to shit all over my plans for mental health blog domination.

Friday After Smoothie: No smoothie. But I like to think my bipolar disorder would have been completely shat out by now. I did notice that my sugar craving was higher this day.

What the Pros Say: How do I put this? The “pros” were nowhere to be found. I mean I def could have looked harder and better (and I am CERTAIN there are countless nutritionists out there who could have answered this for me), but for the sake of getting this done in a few days, I didn’t. What I DID do is attempt to contact my two most frequented smoothie/juice brands in Los Angeles. Remember Kimberly Snyder and her Glowing Green Smoothie that I made each day? She had a store called Glow Bio, which I called and emailed, only to find out that it had closed down in November. Likewise, I went to the Juice Served Here website (the other place I like), and all that’s left of it is a letter from the CEO announcing its closure. First the tainted romaine and now this? Maybe this is a sign that speaks for itself. Green smoothies and juices never did shit. Other than making me shit. Or maybe they were just a trend. Or maybe they do do something magical to your mood over time, and I just didn’t drink them long enough. Regardless, if they work for you, that’s all that matters.

Trick or Treatment?

A tricky treatment. I don’t believe smoothies are a reason to whimsically scatter my Rx pills from the window of a moving car. However, there were some benefits.  I also don’t want to judge or dismiss anyone who has had their mood lifted because of green smoothies. I WISH that could be me. What’s more is that I did not drink smoothies for nearly enough time to determine if they caused any major life changes. What I did notice, and what I would recommend green smoothies for, would be for the epic poop sessions.  All that fiber from fruits and vegetables REALLY did what it was supposed to. I think my temporary mood boosts came from the fact that I didn’t feel overly full all the time. I didn’t feel like I was carrying around as much weight in my belly and the whole flatter stomach thing helped my confidence too. I suppose, in a roundabout way, it did boost my mood a bit. I wouldn’t attribute that occurrence to any magical smoothie elements shooting up into my brain and rearranging the chemistry up there, however.

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*DISCLAIMER: Hi! In case you couldn’t tell from my epic reporting, these aren’t real science experiments because I’m not a real scientist. I couldn’t even tell you how to convert Celcius to Fahrenheit, and like honestly who is Kelvin and why is he here? PLEASE NOTE - DO NOT perform any of the above practices without consulting a doctor FIRST. Unconventional treatment methods such as the one above have NOT been evaluated by the FDA which means they are NOT regulated. That said, unregulated alternative methods of treatment could result in serious health problems, dangerous interactions with your current medication(s) and body, unwanted side-effect, and even death. Words in these posts should NOT be used as medical advice, and any questions you may have should be directed to a medical professional.  Thank you for using your common sense you intelligent person, you!

***Here's a 2nd disclaimer you should also read since I'm paranoid. 

Special shout out to @OhJeffreyJames for coming up with this catchy name for my new series. If you need additional mental health support, inspiration, and resources, check out their Instagram @HaveYouTriedMagic -and keep an eye out for their new website!

Therapy Thursday # 7: Smoke That Cig If You Really, REALLY Need To (Maybe)

After a brief holiday/self-care break...IM BACK with a new #TherapyThursday. I swear there are new blog posts on their way as well. Look out for a NEW SERIES too!!! Thanks for your patience as I figure out why every blogger is able to write 300 posts per week and I struggle to write one. I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the fact that many of my posts to come will involve a little bit of research so that I can give you information beyond that of my personal experience. Trust me if I just talked about myself all the time I'd be a fashion blogger posting pictures of my Saint Laurent bags next to acai bowls. Nothing wrong with that journey, it's just not mine (even though someday I hope to get to that level of bloggery). xoxo!

TOPIC: Being Effective aka "Doing What Works"***

WHEN TO USE: When you need to do something (anything!) that will get you closer to your goals.

HOW TO USE: Simply do what you need to do in the situation you are facing. According to my favorite DBT app, DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach, you need to "let go of the way things 'should' be and just do what works for your goal. Play by the rules, even if they are not the 'right' rules or ones that you agree with." If your action will get you to your goal, then it is effective. 

EXAMPLE: In my personal DBT experience, I used this skill in the following way: Let's say I'm in the middle of a hysterical mental breakdown and nothing I do is working to stop it. Even though I was trying to quit smoking at the time, I knew that a cigarette would make me feel better in that moment. I did what worked and had that cigarette. It got me closer to my goal of stopping my mental breakdown. I did not judge myself for having that cigarette either since it helped me to feel better.

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Like I mentioned, you will get closer to your goals, and hopefully feel better in the moment.

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

***NOTE: AHEM!!! This skill is not condoning or justifying unhealthy behavior - so just keep that in mind before you decide that running over someone with your car or whatever is "doing what works." NOT CUTE.

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 6: How to Not Feel Like a Useless Bunghole

Happy holidays all! Here's the latest #TherapyThursday from last week. 

TOPIC: Building Mastery; Reminding yourself you are a capable, accomplished human when you feel like a total skid mark. 

WHEN TO USE: When you feel like you haven't done shit all day, accomplished anything in life, feel worthless, or have a large/new goal or that seems impossible to achieve. 

HOW TO USE: Do one or more small things which remind you of how good you are at life. It can be things like taking out the trash, putting away the dishes, or, things you already know you excel at. For example, if I have something I am dreading writing because I feel as though I may fail, I go back and read some of my favorite pieces to remind myself that I am a bangin' writer and I can totally conquer whatever is in front of me. If you feel like you are not good at anything, you can pat yourself on the back for things like, "I got out of bed today," or "I survived another day." You should pat yourself on the back for those things any day, TBH. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: The goal is to feel more confident in yourself than you did before this exercise so that you may find the emotional strength to conquer all the things you have set out to do. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

Self-Help Books to Rescue You From Fuckery

If you struggle with…

• Eating Your Feelings

Read: Eat This Not That (David Zinczenko with Matt Goulding)

Emotional eating is literally my brand. In fact, the other day at work I ate my weight in vending machine snacks, hoping it would suppress the day's anxiety. Surprise! Didn’t work. And all I have is a puffy, sodium-filled under-eye area to show for it. Cue the Eat This Not That series. These little books are filled with healthy swaps you can make at the grocery store and beyond. And I’m not talking about swapping a cheeseburger for a celery stick dipped in miso broth. Although, if you can do that I still love you. I’m taking abt trading a cheeseburger for a better cheeseburger. I know right? Restrictive diets and colossal lifestyle changes can be insanely overwhelming when you have a mental illness. I like this book because it provides the reader with a sense of accomplishment even though you still feel like you’re eating what you want. 

Downside: Some of the “Eat This” foods they suggest aren’t 100% healthy either but they are the best of the worst. 

• Attracting the right partner

Read: Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match (Amy Spencer)

I met my current boyfriend shortly after reading this book. This woman who told me about this book met her other half before she even finished it. Supposedly, countless other people have experienced the same thing. I know how stupid that sounds, BUT I still highly recommend reading this for the lessons it may teach you. You’ll learn what you want and deserve, how to be comfortable in your temporary singledom, and practices for self-love. 

Downside: While anyone can (and should!) use this book, it’s mostly written with the assumption that the reader is a straight woman looking for a straight male partner. 

• Mommy issues

Read: The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self (Alice Miller)

Not only mommy issues, but daddy issues, and any issue that might have fucked you up as a child and brought you even more foolery as an adult. It’s all in here in this fascinating book that teaches you why you may be the way that you are.

Downsides: Pretty triggering (but in a helpful, productive way).

• Self-hate

Read: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (Brené Brown)

Brené Mother Fucking Brown is a self-help queen. This isn’t some Dr. Oz/Goopy Paltrow/Deepak Oprah kind of shit (but not judging if you’re into that because sometimes same). This book is a readable hug. If you need someone to reach out from the pages of your Kindle and tell you that you’re special just the way you are, you can’t count on old B.

Downside: The cover art is kind of a production but whatthefuckever. 

• Understanding your illness

Read: Psych101: A Crash Course in the Science of the Mind (Paul Kleinman)

If you’re curious about the foundations of psychology in general, this is a great read. Also great for therapy skeptics, or your stubborn ass dad who believes in "toughing it out." There’s even a handy list of many mental illnesses so you can find out more about the science behind your (or your loved ones) behaviors.

Downside: It kind of reads like a school textbook but I’m not going to call it a textbook because I literally bought my copy at an Urban Outfitters in Malibu. 

• Believing you can live the life you want

Read: Ask, and It Is Given (Esther and Jerry Hicks)

If you own a crystal and have used the words ‘manifest,’ or ‘universe’ in the past 30 days, you may already know and love this book. If you just read that and threw up on your screen, hear me out. I swear this book isn’t mystical nonsense. Sure, one of the authors, Esther Hicks, let’s her body become a vessel for a spirit named Abraham who in turn delivers messages of wisdom via her mouth, BUT STILL HEAR ME OUT. It’s the concepts in this read that put it on this list. If you boil it down, this is a book for helping you see the world from a glass-half-full perspective. Bonus: there are exercises dedicated to improving your thoughts and moods -great for getting out of hellish mental states. 

Downside: Polarizing in the sense that you’ll either love this or pass it off as cultish pseudoscience. If you’re a skeptic, I recommend just reading this for its ideas and practices and mentally substituting any questionable terminology (*coughs in ‘90s* like ‘universe’ and ‘manifest’) for words that speak to you.  

• Motivation

Read: You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life (Jen Sincero) 

Full disclosure - I didn’t love this book, but I didn’t hate it either. I would compare it to an extremely watered down version of Ask, and It Is Given. I put it on this list because it’s less “out there,” but many of the same ideas are covered. 

Downside: It’s repetitive which makes it seem a little Ted-Talky. 

• Maintaining relationships & asking for what you need

Read: The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman) 

HUGE help for understanding the needs of you and your partner. Communication can be off when one or both people in a relationship have a mental illness. Use the info in this book instead of screaming at each other. Chic! 

Downside: Kinda corny but if it helps -who the hell cares? 

What should I add to the list? What should I read next? If you have any ideas for me, comment below or send me a message! xoxo

Therapy Thursday # 5: How to feel more stoked about your life

Hay! Okay I really need to get better at posting my #TherapyThursday recaps...on Thursdays. I'm still getting the damn hang of consistency so I am grateful for your patience. 

TOPIC: Daily Awesomes: how to remember that your life isn't a wad of smeared shit when it feels like it is. 

WHEN TO USE: When you really fucking need to see the glass half full instead of empty, cracked, and decomposing in the trash. 

HOW TO USE: Get out your phone/a journal/anything you can put words upon. Think about all the good things (big or small but mostly small) that happened to you that day. For example you could write "I hit 5 green lights on the way to work today," or "I got 10% off my groceries today," or "this total stranger held the door open for me." Basically stuff you would let slide on a regular day. AHEM. There will be days where you will not be able to come up with literally anything for this list. That's okay. You can put "I wrote this down" or even "I existed through this day." 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: This really helps to open your eyes to the good things that are happening in your life; especially when it feels like only bad things are coming at you. Even if the good things seem small and lame (i.e., finding a quarter in your shoe, simply existing through another day) they are still GOOD things.

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

A Self-Care Kit For Your Next Depressive Episode - PART THREE!

HERE IT IS. The final chunk of the list of things that you can stash away to make your emergency self-care kit. What is a self-care kit? You can find out HERE in PART ONE and then catch up on PART TWO if you haven't read it already. If you have any suggestions for items to add to the list, let me know in the comments or send me a message! xo

Snacks – I know it’s tempting to eat crap to comfort yourself, but if you put some healthy(ish) snacks in your nightstand beforeeeee the depression hits, you’ll thank yourself later.

Advil – Depression hurts. Like, literally gives you headaches, muscle pain, backaches, poop attacks, etc. Basking in bed for a long time can hurt too. Make your stay a pleasant one and invest in a little bedside bottle of your favorite over-the-counter pain-killer.

Reading Material – For when you need a distraction from your damn head.

Phone/Laptop/Tablet & Chargers – Honestly, not having these near me is one of the only things that gets me out of bed, so hey, maybe keep it far away for some motivation to get you up. But if not, keep these by your bed just in case you need to call for help, text a friend, contact your therapist, or just zone out to nail art videos.

Journal & Writing Utensil – Now’s a great time to start that gratitude journal every Instagrammer your therapist and has been talking about. I know it might seem daunting -and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t keep up with it- but sometimes it really can help you see the positives in your life. Remember to write down even the smallest victories (i.e., “I am grateful that I sat up today/got out of bed to pee/let myself cry, etc.).

Coloring Book and Coloring Utensils – Lucky you, adult coloring books are very #OnTrend right now so you can find these anywhere. It’s a pretty great way to chill out because of its meditative qualities. Color away your fears of a potential North Korean nuclear war! 

Scented candle – Because depression doesn’t have to smell like shit-streaked thongs and trash-hardened spring rolls.

Empathy – For yourself. If you can’t do any of these things, even if they’re all by (or on) your bed, don’t beat yourself up. I cannot stress that enough. I have been there. I have picked discharge out of my matted pubes, woven carpets out of my leg hair, and drained the souls of legions of food delivery drivers answering the door (once I found the strength) with my swamp breath. It’s okay. Full disclosure – I don’t always do or have these things myself, so don’t feel bad if you can’t either. Furthermore, even if you need to call someone to drag you out of bed physically (been there too), you are not a failure. I promise this too shall pass – just like all those farts collecting under your blanket.

~From my dirty b-hole to yours~

If there’s anything you keep in your bedside self-care kit that isn’t on this list, send me a message, comment below, or find me on social and let me know. I’d love to add more to this list.  <3

Therapy Thursday (From Last Week...Oops)

WOW. OKAY. It's been ten days since I've posted on my blog and that is no good. I went on vacation and then soon after my phone broke, and my will to carry on diminished and I just wanted to come home after each day and zone out to Fixer Upper, eat soba noodles and think about nothing. Mental illness in action. That said, please enjoy this very, very, very belated #TherapyThursday recap from last week...and STAY TUNED for this weeks #TT on my Instagram TONIGHT! 

TOPIC: One way to mourn traumatic events, so you're not a teeming tear factory every second of every day.  

WHEN TO USE: When you are experiencing something that requires a period of mourning/sadness/getting over (i.e., breakups, loss, death, etc.) 

HOW TO USE: Let's say you just broke up with your significant other and you're a useless kabob. You're crying in Trader Joe's, in the tub, on the train, at work, over your quinoa, and through the woods. There comes the point where all of that becomes exhausting and you need to figure out a way to collect yourself, at the very least, in times where breaking down in sadness might interfere with your daily life. How do you do this? Set aside a block of time each day solely devoted to feeling all of your uncomfortable emotions. For example, starting tomorrow, you will block out one hour of your day to full-on feeling your emotions. Sob, yell, curse, listen to depressing music, punch pillows, read old texts, look at old pictures, do your Instagram stalking. Let it all out and then when the hour is up, put that shit on your emotional shelf of 'things I need to deal with but will come back to later.' Immediately switch over to an activity that triggers the opposite of the negative emotion(s) you just felt and capture your attention. You may choose to watch a cheesy movie, listen to a pop song, watch some stand-up, go dancing, bake a fucking strudel, whatevs. Just make sure it's a JOYUS ACTIVITY. As days and weeks and months go on, the idea is that this block of mourning time will lessen. Maybe next month you'll only need to cry for 15 minutes a day. Pretty soon, you won't need to do this exercise at all. HOO FUCKING RAY. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: This has helped me to keep it together (for the most part) so that I can go on with my daily life in the midst of healing from a traumatic event. Hopefully, it can do the same for you. Don't kick yourself if this doesn't help you. Sometimes it doesn't cut it, and you just need to be a blubbering blob for however long. That's okay too. Just don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel stuck in that space of sadness, however. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

A Self-Care Kit for Your Next Depressive Episode - PART DEUX

HANG ON! If you haven't read part one of this article - you can do so RIGHT HERE! 

Bottles of Water – Not only for taking those pills but for staying hydrated. Also, key to making sure your meds get processed through your system properly AND flushing any crap out of your body that may be contributing to your feeling like shit-ness.

Napkins/Tissues/Wet Wipes – I SEE YOU WIPING THAT BOOGER ON THE SIDE OF YOUR MATTRESS. And I’m not going to let you. Not this time. You’re probably going to masturbate too, right? Let’s be real. Not much is going to give you pleasure right now except that. Am I alone here? Also great for tears, spills, eye boogers, and snot.

Shower Wipes – Not just for campers and sweaty mountain bikers. You too can give yourself a makeshift shower without leaving your bed. Just like a taking a real shower, the idea is you’ll end up feeling more like a refreshed, energized human, and less like a crispy little mattress Cheeto.

Sheet Masks, Lotion, Lip Balm, Deodorant – If I’m correct, depression has you all fucked up, right? Might as well moisturize, tone, and brighten while you lay there. Why the fuck not? Just because everything sucks right now doesn’t mean your gorgeous bod has to suffer too. In other news, you’re basically doing more self-care here than I do when I’m regulated.

Colgate Wisps & Floss – The easiest thing to ignore when you’re deep in the Burroughs of emo town are your increasingly fuzz-laden teeth. I truly believe all my cavities stem from depressive episodes where I ignored my oral health. Breaking: Wisps are a literal Godsend. They’re like wee disposable toothbrushes that don’t require water or toothpaste to work. Sold.

Dry Shampoo and Hair Ties – Because right now you’re as greased up as a KY-dipped Hitachi.

Headphones & Earplugs – Whether or not you need to drown out noise or cry to The Smiths on repeat, you’re going to want these by your side.

Sleep Mask – You know when you’re so weighed down by sadness that all you can do is sleep to forget the pain? Dramatic, but accurate. This is your new best friend, especially if you’re doing the whole ‘sleep the day away’ thing.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 3 COMING SOON! 

[Disclaimer time! If you can't bring yourself to make this kit or complete any of these tasks, don't beat yourself up. You're depressed for fux sake! Sometimes your biggest concern is just surviving the day. I get it. Xo]

Pill Pals: Georgia Simone Levy

#PillPals is a new segment where contributing writers and artists share mental health-related work on Take Your Pills. If you would like to contribute art or writing, please send an email to dom@take-your-pills.com for consideration! Thank you! 

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“Noise”

By: Georgia Simone Levy 

Black people usually tell me, "you don't sound black enough."
White people tend to make jokes, "You're such a white girl." Which isn't funny to me.
I learned many years ago beautiful women are women who have white skin and are never overweight. Women should have long hair and know how to take direction.
I heard that last part in a Drake song. 
I want to change. I want to change how I look. I want to change how I think and speak. 
I'm a black-Jewish woman. I suffer from bipolar, depression, anxiety, ADD and ADHD. Will there ever be a fair representation of myself or something similar in the media? 
The women I see in music videos and on Instagram don't look, think or act like me. This makes me feel weird and alone. For years I was seeing images and messages that weren't conducive to loving myself. I decided to unfollow brands and people on Instagram because of this. I also deactivated my Facebook account because it left me feeling bad about myself. I'm very different from what I was subliminally being told to look like. This left me feeling confused.

My name is Georgia Simone Levy. I was born in April of 1989. My birth mother had me in Atlanta, Georgia when she was sixteen. I was adopted at three weeks old into an all-white Jewish family. Here's what I know, it was a closed adoption, so I was immediately taken from my mother and put in foster care. Sometimes I think about what type of woman I'd be today if my birth mom got to hold me that day. Anyways, a white-Jewish single mother from Manhattan New York adopted me. That's my mom. She's my mom. That's who raised me, so it's just what I know. Before adopting me, she relocated to St. Paul Minnesota. My mom is a theater director and professor. She is a feminist and an advocate. My mom had a daughter prior to adopting me but found out the father had a wife and family in a different state already. My mom decided she didn't need a man to have another child. Then, pow! She adopted a black baby. #trendsetter
This single mother of two would face certain hardships due to raising a child-of-color. I wish I could ask my mom what she was thinking and feeling at this time. 
I remember my childhood; I remember being truly happy. I remember hearing Allen Sherman and Bobby McFerrin playing from our record player in our home. Just the three of us. We whistled along and performed made-up choreography while singing, "hello muddah..."
My sister is my best friend. When we were younger, we were on a JCC swim team. There used to be this chubby white-Jewish kid on our team who would come to practice wearing a speedo. Naturally, my mom ended up marrying his father. Great.
I wondered why my mom didn't run this by me first. 
Side note, the guy my mom married, my pops, was previously married. That woman came out that she was a lesbian a little after their son, my brother, was born.
When he married my mom, pops made the decision to legally adopt my sister and I as his own. My sisters biological father even signed over his rights to be her father.  

Cute, huh? 

Now we are one big happy family. The Levy-Berkowitz's. The big five. And I’m the belle of this ball... 

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ABOUT GEORGIA SIMONE LEVY: Georgia Simone Levy is a music enthusiast who lives in Los Angeles, California. Georgia is pursuing a career in A&R/artist development and currently works for a record label. She loves all things creative. 
She is in the process of obtaining a Bachelor of Arts in Journalism and Public Relations from California State University, Northridge. Georgia received an Associate of Arts degree in merchandise marketing in 2012, at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. 

Therapy Thursday Recap #3: Distract yourself so you don't lose your shit

Here's your #TherapyThursday recap! If you have any topics you'd like for me to cover - send me a message! 

TOPIC: How to temporarily move your mind out of a panic attack or away from obsessive thoughts using DISTRACTIONS.  

WHEN TO USE: Whenever you're freaking out about that tiny cut on your finger that's probably going to get infected and spread the infection over your entire face and body and you'll never be able to leave the house ever again and your cats will eat you until you're a skeleton and your remains will go undiscovered for 16 years omg omgomgomgomgoeirjoewjfwjg;j;3!!!!!!

HOW TO USE: There are a number of ways to use this trick. If I'm in the middle of a panic attack, grabbing an ice cube and holding it in my hand until it melts, is a great temporary distraction. Since the ice cube is so cold, it creates a shocking sensation that is powerful enough to take you out of your head and into the present moment with your ice. Other things you can do to bring up opposite emotions include watching or listening to shows, podcasts, songs, etc. that are extremely neutral or happy in their content. Arts and crafts, adult coloring books, etc. are also nice distractions. 

WHY ITS LEGIT: The hope is that by doing an action that brings up the exact opposite of the emotion you are currently feeling, it will take you out of a panicky headspace. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for recaps like these each week!

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

A Self-Care Kit For Your Next Depressive Episode

I am 100% over the notion that those with mental illness should be ashamed of how much time they spend in bed when we feel like shit. I’m also over the fact that we feel like we should feel shame over, to the point of hiding, our depressive behaviors (like skipping showers, crying for hours, and wiping snot on our comforters). That being said, today’s a great day to finally get honest about what goes on when we’re bound to ours beds, drowning in drool.

The more we talk about this stuff, the less we’ll feel alone. Not to mention, the more others can learn to understand (and help) us rather than judge. Being in bed with depression, anxiety, or whatever may be keeping you there for an extended period of time can really make you feel like a butt hole full of barnacles. I decided to make this roundup of goods you can put in your nightstand/under your bed/wherever nearby to help you care for yourself as much as possible when you can’t get out of bed. Hope this helps! 

Face Wipes/Makeup Wipes – Basically, the goal for this entire list is to make you feel like you brought your bed into the shower with you, so you don’t physically rot into your mattress. We want to get you feeling as regulated, accomplished, and energized as we can while still allowing you to have a major bed moment. That said, washing my face is something that makes me feel like I’m clean, clear, and under moderate emotional control. But I know damn well I’m not getting out of bed to walk 3 feet (which comes out to roughly 65 eons in depression years) to my sink to do it. Cue the face wipes. If we’re being real, the great ghost of depression is going to trap you here for an undisclosed amount of time, so the word ‘wipes’ are going to be in this roundup like 600 times.

Plastic/Paper Bag –  Set aside an old grocery bag to use as a makeshift trash can. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be bunking with 16 empty White Castle slider cartons within the first hour of bed rest. Save yourself the extremely daunting task of cleaning up your dumpster heap when you finally feel good enough to leave your room.

Pads, Tampons, Baby Wipes – I told you we weren’t getting out of bed for shit. And that includes changing your tampon, pad, or underwear if you’re on your period. You better believe I’ve knowingly slept (awoke and decided to stay) in a puddle of my period blood because I didn’t have the strength to leave my duvet palace. Toxic shock syndrome is very ‘72 and not in the whimsical, Stevie Nicks way. Plus you reallllly don’t have time to deal with that on top of being depressed, do you? Hint: fucking no? Get out your baby trash bag we talked about, give the old coochie x booty combo a wipe down (don’t forget those pube crispies!) and change up your feminine products. Again, it’s all about making you feel as refreshed as possible so that eventually, you do gain some strength, energy, and enough feelings of competence to get your (clean) booty up and out of the sack.

Travel Hairbrush – I have wavy hair that knots at the mention of a pillow. Might as well brush it out if you’ve got the time. Bonus: it’s like getting a free mini scalp massage! Shout out to self-soothing.

Lint Roller & Febreze – If you’re anything like me, your bed is about to be crumb and hair-shed city. Lint roll that shit up. Spritz your blankets. Instant clean-ish bed. Better yet – maybe you have some relaxing scented pillow spray? Squirt, squirt bish.

Extra Undies – I see London, I see France, I see those discharge-coated underpants. But I’m not judging you for it. I’m the Messiah of flipping my underwear inside out and pretending it’s chill. As I said before, we don’t know how long you’re going to be in that bed. Might as well pack for an extended stay.

Fresh Pajamas – Nothing like a pair of clean jams to make you feel spruced as fuck. Plus you might have to sit up or stand to put them on. Pat yourself on the fucking back. I’m not even kidding. This is progress.  

Spare Meds – When you have the emotional capacity of pancake, rolling out of bed to grab your pills is equivalent in joy to snorting Bengay. Even though they could be in my purse, on the floor, two feet away, they’re still TWO UNFATHOMABLE FEET away. Which means I can’t do the contort-my-body-half-way-off-the-bed-and-reach-for-my-purse-with-my-pinky move. Which means I'm not getting up to take them. They might as well be trapped in an undisclosed owl pellet on the floor of a forest. And what happens if you skip your meds? The emotional shit storm rages on until you’re so attached to your bed you might as well file for a domestic partnership.

STAY TUNED FOR PARTS 2 AND 3 COMING SOON! 

[Disclaimer time! If you can't bring yourself to make this kit or complete any of these tasks, don't beat yourself up. You're depressed for fux sake! Sometimes your biggest concern is just surviving the day. I get it. Xo]