Modern Meditation Classes: Stress Relief or Whitewashed, LA Bullshit? #TrickOrTreatment

I am the only one in LA who has ever taken a photo like this. 

Welcome back to one of my favorite blog segments; Trick or Treatment! The series where I test out cliche, wellness trends to see if they will make my mental illness journey less of a fucking mess.  You can read the previous #TT right HERE if you’re new to my blog or missed my last installment. This particular Trick or Treatment is part of my experience at Wellness Week LA; a health/lifestyle event from June 3rd-June 10th. Ticket holders are matched with various fitness, nutritional, and self-care activities in the city, depending on their interests. If you'd like more information on WWLA, or the business I mention below, click their names for more!

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Unplug Meditation (West Hollywood) – The whole damn place smells like that one perfect friend who wears straw hats, cries in Erewhon, and somehow found a rent-controlled midcentury in the hills. And while I don’t think I went more than two breaths without intrusive thoughts about the woman to my right gulping her tea like baby fucking beluga inhaling her krill, the experience, the staff, the atmosphere–all wonderful. Did I mention, because it's a no-phone-zone, they charge your electronics behind the counter? Don't speak to me unless you're living in 3018. The staff also invites you to sample essential oils and pick a crystal to bring in to enhance your meditation experience. Even though I don’t incorporate crystals into my treatment plan, I still own a bunch, think they’re beautiful, and thought this was worth mentioning because its a nice touch. So, the big question is – is this trendy, WeHo meditation circle just a contrived, crock-pot of crazies? Trick or freaking treatment? 

Verdict: It’s a (supplemental) treatment. It’s nothing I want to replace my current wellness plan of therapy and meds with, but I would bring it into the mix. It became clear to me that this treatment that like many traditional options takes a good chunk of time and patience to see results. While I experienced benefits like relaxation, the sensation of being in a safe place, positive feelings, and subsequent motivation, I am confident I didn’t get the max effects of this practice because my zen skills are not fully developed. If I were to dedicate myself to this practice like I’ve committed myself to therapy and psychiatry, I bet I’d experience the benefits in which wellness woo-girls rave. Maybe if I’d just taken my Ritalin beforehand, I might have been able to focus better. TBD.

Stay tuned for my next #WellnessWeekLA-themed Trick or Treatment: Stretching! I’ll be getting my body contorted into awkward positions by a stranger in the name of mental wellness. You can also follow my WWLA experience on my Instagram story right HERE. 

By the way - if meditation has affected you, do me a flavor and comment below or send me a message. Did you have as much trouble as I did focusing when you first started? Or am I just a poor boy, and nobody loves me? What do I do to improve my focus? HALP.

*Just FYI - my attendance at Wellness Week LA is sponsored. Huge thank you to WWLA!

June 2018 Self-Care Tarot: Big Moods Brewing

please accept this apology for the above #art

At first glance it may seem like this month is kinnnnda on some bullshit. But it's not. You'll be fine. I swear. On a deeper level, much like literally every day, it's just a time to continue working on yourself and your shit. Let's see what Cassandra and her cards have to say about this month. If you didn't catch Self-Care Tarot from May -you can do so right HERE. xo

-Dom

"Mood swings, poverty trauma, and career panic run amuck this June (yikes!) with the Two of Pentacles. Twos in the Tarot are all about balance and this card specifically shows imbalance coursing through our lives, particularly in areas of the home, work, money, and school. Often this is because in a fit of great mental health we bit off more than we could chew should the pendulum swing backward. Sometimes it’s just because life sucks and now we have to deal with a new pile of crap on top of all of our regular piles of crap.

That keyword of balance does mean it’s not all bad news in all areas of our life. Our home life (and any relationships contained therein) look pretty solid, and our spiritual life stands out as a solid crutch for us to lean on. The Two of Pentacles does regularly indicate depression, anxiety, and PTSD flare-ups, even as some things in our lives are falling perfectly into place though. Focusing on those areas that already have solid foundations is the key to thriving in spite of that this June.

The Pentacles are all about growth and stability, so none of this is insurmountable. If you’re having money problems and it’s increasing poverty trauma, scale back your spending. It’s really that easy sometimes. If your co-workers aren’t getting along, just don’t involve yourself. If your emotions and moods are all over the place, remember your most basic grounding and focus exercises. Sometimes we’re meant to ride our emotions out because they’re telling us something deeper, but that isn’t the case this month. Now we’re meant to find what makes us feel like we are solidly and perfectly in place and stand there for awhile. 

I mentioned career panic earlier and didn’t address it head on yet. This panic can manifest as imposter syndrome, money problems, or just flat out unhappiness in your daily life. Some of us (myself included) are feeling stuck where we are and not able to move forward. Some of us aren’t where we need to be, and some of us are but don’t feel like we deserve to be. In any case, think about what you’re trying to build with your life. All of us are creators, creating the lives we deserve to lead. Spend some time this month being really honest about where you want to be, identifying the obstacles that prevent you from being there, and figuring out what that means for your next steps. Blessed be, y’all! "

-Cassandra Snow
 

For more on Cassandra, head over to her page HERE. 

Cheetos, Mold, & Mania: Neglecting Self-Care When Illness Takes Over

+ TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING + This article contains mentions of eating disorders, self-neglect, neglect of hygiene, neglect of surroundings, severe depression, severe anxiety, menstruation, mania, nail and skin picking/biting, addiction, bugs, urine, feces, and blood. If any of these topics are triggering to you, please skip this article. If you're looking for something else to read, check out my previous post right HERE. Thank you! 

One thing before we get into it - Despite my loud-mouthed writing style, this is not a shock piece. If you clicked on this article with the intention of gasping at the following contributors, I encourage you to revisit this later with an open heart and mind. I put this article together for two reasons. I want those who thrive with mental, chronic, and invisible illness to see how common their behaviors genuinely are. My hope is that they can decrease their shame around them, feel less alone, and ask for help without being afraid of judgment. Equally as important, I compiled this list so that people who do not live with illness can not only see the prevalence of these circumstances, but understand they are not always indicative of someone who is crazy, dangerous, creepy, or inherently neglectful. Most are regular humans so smashed by their illness, doing laundry feels like cleaning the White House with a fucking Q-tip. Read on to see how the lives of everyday people can be interrupted when illness takes control. No pity needed; just a knowing that should someone reach out to you for help, they can do so safely and free of shame.

"Once I didn't shower or brush my teeth for three months. That was a bad time. When I'm manic I will rock back and forth in one spot for literal hours because I have so much energy but nothing to do with it." -Anonymous

"I go days without brushing my hair. During a really bad time at uni, I put it in a bun and only took the bun out to re-tie it. It got to the point where I undid the hair tie, and my hair still stayed up on top of my head without me touching it." -Jess

"[I've been] too depressed to change my period-stained underwear for days at a time." -Dani

"Letting my nails get gross and long, eating food in bed/bedroom, the classic not showering for ages. I used to not wash my hands in school because the building was always freezing and I couldn't physically stand being wet at all (there were never paper towels). Forgetting food that I packed in bags and hoodies." -Anonymous

"Mold is a far-too-regular thing for me, and I hate it. Dishes always pile up in my room and mold grows waay (sic) too often because I don’t have the energy to carry them. Or [if] I spill something like coffee and I neglect it too long, the spill will start to mold." -Anonymous

"I pick my nose as a nervous habit, especially when running late driving!" -Aaron

"I have to keep my hair above shoulder length because my bouts of depression are so frequent. If I have it long, I end up having to cut out rats from not washing or brushing it. I have at least one cavity in every tooth because I can't seem to brush my teeth regularly. Also, I've had gnat problems that turn into maggot problems from being too depressed to clean." -Anonymous

"Getting NOTHING done all day even when you desperately want to." -Natalie

"I let my grass grow so tall once someone mowed it for me. I get so depressed I never clean the cat box until it's all a giant clumped mess. I just eventually replace the whole thing."  -Anonymous

"Didn’t change my sheets for four months." -Anonymous

"In middle school, I would shower once a week or every other week and never brush my hair to where I had to get almost all of it cut off. On my period during a down period, I don’t wear pads & have specific underwear that I let get stained. That or I don’t change my pad all day, so I never use tampons." -Anonymous

"[I] neglect basic hygiene and also exist on gas station Cheetos and chips for food. I basically feel unable to cook and prepare food for myself. But I think my biggest thing is my compulsive addiction to my cell phone -it's disgusting how much I'm on this thing." -Vicky

"There's so much trash in my room I can't see the floor. And I sleep on about a quarter of my bed because most of it has old clothes at whatnot on it." -Anonymous

"I bite my skin/nails and am a vet tech. When I go to give injections or draw blood, and someone is nearby, I always get, 'oh my god, what happened to your fingers?'" -Anonymous

"[I] used dirty clothes for months because I had no motivation to do laundry although I know I needed to. [I] left (sic) my light tan floorboards turn to a dark brown because I couldn't push myself to get up and mop -let alone sweep. [I] had mildew growing on my shower curtains because I had no care for the state of my house because I couldn't even care for myself. [I] let my dogs use the restroom in the basement because I couldn't push myself to take them outside because I was such a mess from my spurts of depression. I didn't want to be seen by the outside world, then left the basement a mess of dog urine and feces." -Anonymous

"I have high anxiety and basically bite all my nails and skin until I'm bleeding and they are sore. I'm a CNA, so co-workers find it gross, but I can't help it. I'm also a binge eater and have eaten until I made myself sick multiple times. I cry hysterically when I eat like that and then won't eat a meal for days." -Kelsie

Can we get a round of applause for all these rad people who contributed to this article? Leave some appreciation for them in the comments! If you have your own story to tell, feel free to drop it in the comments as well. The more we talk, the better chance we have of canceling this bullshit stigma. xo! 

Therapy Thursday: (Legally) Get Your Meds on the Cheap

Did you know you can shop around for the lowest prices on your meds the same way you can for a pair of late-90s, rectangle-framed Gucci sunglasses? It's true. On this episode of #TherapyThursday, I'll show you how. 

Click HERE to watch! 

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WHAT THE HELL IS THERAPY THURSDAY?! I started #TherapyThursday when I realized how many people were in need of a therapist but didn't have the resources to find one (including myself at specific points). I share one trick, lesson, or lightbulb I learned in a personal therapy session with YOU each week in an Instagram story. Keep in mind, I'm not a therapist, mental health, or medical professional. This segment is not intended as a replacement for therapy or medical treatment. Please do not use it as such. This is purely a weekly space for people to gather, listen, ask questions, and ultimately feel less alone. For more info, please read my disclaimer HERE. Catch the segment every Thursday on my Instagram stories @DomJoelleHaikel. Don't forget to follow me there, so you never miss an episode! xo

Therapy Thursday: Mindfully Eat Your Meat

Sincerely sorry I could not think of a better title. 

CLICK HERE TO WATCH! 

WHAT THE HELL IS THERAPY THURSDAY?! I started #TherapyThursday when I realized how many people were in need of a therapist but didn't have the resources to find one (including myself at specific points). I share one trick, lesson, or lightbulb I learned in a personal therapy session with YOU each week in an Instagram story. Keep in mind, I'm not a therapist, mental health, or medical professional. This segment is not intended as a replacement for therapy or medical treatment. Please do not use it as such. This is purely a weekly space for people to gather, listen, ask questions, and ultimately feel less alone. For more info, please read my disclaimer HERE. Catch the segment every Thursday on my Instagram stories @DomJoelleHaikel. Don't forget to follow me there, so you never miss an episode! xo

Therapy Thursday: Breathe Your Bullshit Away

CLICK HERE TO WATCH! 

Update: I'm going to be linking my original Therapy Thursday videos from Instagram here instead of doing written recaps like THESE. That way you won't miss out on the original video if you don't have Instagram. xo!

A Creative Retelling of Every Lie I’ve Told to Get Out of Work and the Probable Truths Behind Them

Sir?

I've used this example before, but unfortunately, it bears repeating. A modern-day employer would sooner okay a day off to bring your temperamental succulent to urgent care than give you 24 hours to regain your sanity at home. That scat-stained mentality leads those with mental illness to come up with socially acceptable white lies to secretly use sick days for our emotional ailments. Consistently harvesting vague and phony physical symptoms to request time off without judgment is as daunting as trying to give yourself a pedicure in a sandstorm. Hopefully, by way of continuing to speak our truths, there will come a day where skipping work to stay home and cry won't be the end of the damn world. So without further boo-hoo, I give you all the bullshit I've probably said (and truly wanted to say) to my bosses in the name of preserving my mental health without getting fired.

1. The lie: “I need to stay home this week. I’m having a personal issue.”

The truth: “My boyfriend text me ‘Excited to see you tonight!’ But the tone of his ‘!’ was #unclear. Circling back, I’m going to need to take the day off to text my Talkspace therapist each theory on why that “!” actually means he’s cheating on me with the caterpillar we saw in the park on Tuesday. Can I also use my bereavement leave to honor the loss of my four remaining marbles?”

2. The lie: “I don't feel well.”

The truth: “I honestly racked what’s left of my brain and can’t find a solid reason to get my body out of bed today (no offense). That said, I’m just going to skip the six meetings, two presentations, and 14 client calls we had planned to compulsively refresh my feed of Insta videos dedicated to cutting bars of soap into tiny cubes.”

3. The lie: “My stomach hurts, I need to stay home.”

The truth: “I don’t have the cash to refill my meds until Friday. Since I'm not properly medicated right now, I’m going to take all constructive feedback about my work as personally as possible. I think a temporary leave of absence to scream into my weighted anxiety blanket would be the appropriate action steps. It’s either that or watch me cry in front of our biggest account ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

4. The lie: “Is it okay if I get someone to cover my shift today?”

The truth: “This intern I used to work with who was born the year I got pubes tweeted that he willingly left the job In which I was laid off. Furthermore! He gracefully slithered into a new position at another sparkling company with zero unemployment time in between. Meanwhile, I, a 30-year-old, puttering pamplemousse, spent a year with no job and got laid off a mere seven months into the next one. I need to stay home and torture myself with defeatist thoughts until I form an ulcer. Have a great weekend!”

5. The lie: “I just threw up.”

The truth: “Full disclosure: my face looks like I exfoliated with a lemon zester. I picked my cheeks well into the hypodermis to suppress my anxiety and legally can no longer leave my home. Unless you want me walking into the office with the skin of a chicken katsu, I’m OOTO. All of this included in my out of office reply.”

6. The lie: “Sorry I missed work, I forgot I was scheduled today.”

The goddamned truth: “Sometimes my depression doesn’t let me shower for a week, and as a result, I develop ravishing cases of bacterial vaginosis. The aromatic notes are like that of a decomposed rind of Camembert left in the cupboards of an abandoned trailer in the sweltering Salton Sea. Should the company decline to provide gas masks for the team upon my arrival, I would like to request the coming days off to clear my infection. xoxo, Monistat Girl.”

If you'd like some suggestions on what to *actually* tell your workplace if you need a mental health day off, click HERE to read my post on that. As always, if you enjoyed this article, share it on your social media, leave me a comment, and give this post a fat like so I can become the world-changing mental health blogger of my dreams. xo! 

5 More Mental Health Apps to Try This Month

There are so many Goddamn mental health apps out there we might as well make this a monthly segment. If you didn't see my last app roundup, you can do so right HERE. Don't forget to click on the names of the apps to find out more! xo

EWG Healthy Living (aka Skin Deep) - This one goes out to all the habibis living with hypochondria. I've been using this website (which you can find HERE) forever so when they came out w/an app it was like the 2nd coming of Christ. If you're like me and are constantly paranoid about putting things on your body that may secretly be killing you (but still justify eating Lunchables as if they aren't the real problem), this app is a true gift to you. Basically, you can scan products (food and hygiene products) as you shop and see how they stack up in terms of how harmful their ingredients are to your body. Seriously it's amazing, and you'd be disgusted at how much cancer-causing crap is in some of your fave toiletries. I've learned a shit ton about the products I use and have made the switch to using (mostly) all-natural beauty products.

Calm - This is a great one if you want a meditation app with extras like fucking bedtime stories. When was the last time your lonely ass got a bedtime story? It's time to get this app. 

Stop, Breathe & Think - Because meditation apps are so on trend, you might as well get another one. This one is different because it recommends meditations you should do according to how you're feeling in that moment. I was a massively irritable bitch a few hours ago, and it suggested a kindness meditation and a 3-minute breathing exercise. Prepare to feel slightly dragged by its recommendations but know that it's coming from a place/algorithm of love. 

Lake - Adult coloring books are all that and a bottle of Lithium. This is that but in app form which means you can whip this out and not have to worry about fools judging you for self-soothing. Color yourself cured. 

Happy - I mention this app on my resources page HERE. If you need someone to talk to but it's not quite considered crisis-y enough for a suicide hotline, try this app. You do have a to pay for the time you spend on the phone with a trained Happy Giver, but you can stay on for as little or as long as you like. Seriously. Full disclosure: I was hired as a Happy Giver (the person who listens to the caller), so I am biased about this app (although I haven't logged on in a while). BUT I have also called in to chat with a Happy Giver about my own problems and can speak to the fact that it was incredibly helpful. If you feel like you'd be a good listener you can also apply to be a Giver and get paid for it! 

May 2018 Self-Care Tarot: Expect Lit Days & Shit Days

Epic illustration by the talented Kristen Leigh for Take Your PIlls. Follow her work on Instagram @noholoca HERE! 

Happy Mental Health Month!!! Let's get right into it and see what Cassandra and her cards have to say below. For more on our lovely tarot reader, click here! xo, -Dom

"Ace of Swords Brings Great and Terrible Things This May. Traditionally the Swords overall are my indicators of mental illness in the tarot. As a suit, they see more pitfalls than perks, and this Air suit prizes logic, analysis, and the intellect. It’s not a far jump to mental illness when we’re talking about the brain, especially in those more negative cards. In short, our prediction right now is to expect some curveballs this month. The Ace represents unexpected and often negative news or insights. This is a month when you’ll want your full toolbox at your disposal, and you’ll want to work really hard to be preemptive about change and negative emotions.

However, the Ace isn’t exactly a negative card. It’s a neutral card, and in this deck, that means balance plays an important part. For every bad day, you’ll likely have a good day. Though one or two areas of your life may be falling apart, you’ll likely hear good news from a different area. As this is a mental health blog, this card could be indicative that you uncover a bad memory, receive a new diagnosis, or see your mania, anxiety, or depression manifest in a new way. This too is good news--the more we uncover, the more accurately we can be treated and the easier we can recover. It also means that you might get the aforementioned bad news, but because you took our advice, your toolbox works exceedingly well, and that news doesn’t devastate you the way it would have.

Once when I was talking to my therapist about my low self-esteem, she asked me where the evidence was for my feelings of inadequacy. She asked me to list facts that “proved” that I was ugly/useless/inadequate. I came up with a few, but she then asked me to contrast them with the opposite proof. “What proof do you have that you’re good at your job?” she asked? “What proof do you have that your friends love you?” I listed off probably ten different things each time and realized my “proof” of inadequacy paled in comparison. This is a tool I whip out every time those feelings that I am “bad” return. I bring this up because ultimately this is what the Ace of Swords wants from us this month. What is the evidence that we CAN handle anything that our brain our life does throw at us? Where is the proof that we are loved, vital, and important members of our family, friend group, or community? Those are the things to look for and hold on to this month. It doesn’t mean a swing back into depression won’t suck--but it will give us something to hold on to." -Cassandra Snow

How To Ask Your Work For a Mental Health Day Without Being Fired (Hopefully)

Me ghosting work to handle my mental health

For many employers, calling in sick to take a mental health day conjures images of skipping work to snort avocado toast and get a round of Kybella. While partaking in this kind of Instagrammable wellness is 1000% my brand and a totally valid form self-care, many of us require mental health days for those showerless, stay-in-bed marathons complete with cashmere-coated teeth, and a floor full of Ding Dong wrappers. Sadly, work culture isn’t yet at a place where we can write honest cover letters to our prospective employers (“Skills include: bipolar management! Holding back tears! Showering with Wet Wipes!”) proclaiming our disorders. That said, we can forget fearlessly asking for the accommodations we might need to better manage our moods at work. Until we get to that distant utopia, we need to figure out how to ask for time off to tend to our mental wellness without the risk of job loss or judgment. I went straight to the source and asked business managers, career coaches, HR professionals (and more!) what to do. See what they had to say below.  

"So it's going to depend on your boss and your relationship with them. If you know that your boss is understanding and you have an open relationship with him or her it could potentially really serve you to be honest. Your honesty could potentially open the door for a further conversation if your work environment or workload is contributing to your anxiety or overwhelm. However, if you don't have an open relationship with your boss, you know that he or she won't be understanding, or simply don't want to talk about something that can be very personal --  then you may want to take a different approach. I would just keep things simple and say that "I'm taking a day off for personal reasons." It's honest and doesn't necessarily open the way for further questions, and most bosses will consider that a sufficient reason/explanation. Alternatively, you could just treat it as any other sick day. Your mental health is as important as your physical health, and a request doesn't require a lot of detail or personal information. In many cases simply saying that you're not well and need a day off to recover is sufficient." -Crystal, Career Coach

"As a leader, it is imperative to create an open environment and share your struggles so that your employees feel empowered to do so. There have been several times where I've had to cancel meetings or have voiced that I needed space because I was experiencing heightened anxiety. I find that the more open I am, the more comfortable my team becomes with expressing their needs. With mental health, there isn't much you can say. It's not like the flu or strep throat. Symptoms are sometimes unexplainable. For that reason, all my girls need to say is 'Hey, I'm struggling with my "XYZ"' or 'Larz, I need to sit this meeting out, I need time for myself.'" -Larissa, Founder & Creative Director, Half The Story

"Over the years I've learned to identify what I want and what I don't want. What's truly important to me and what is not. When I interview for a new job, I'm honest with what I want. I want and need a work-life balance. I currently am in both the service industry and the retail industry, so I'm already working nights weekends and holidays. I tell my future potential employers that having a work-life balance is super important to me. I give them the shifts I am willing to work, and what I know I don't want to work so I can maintain a healthy life outside of work. What I need to be a happy, productive employee/human. I think this sets up a healthy expectation. When I get asked to work outside of this, I don't feel bad saying no, and I don't feel bad calling out when I need a personal day. There's nothing worse than feeling bad and dealing with anxiety in general and then feeling bad on top of that. No is a complete sentence. I'm not a manager anymore but I know it's always gonna suck when someone calls off but at the end of the day, everything is going to be okay. Whether they believe me or not, that's on them, and it doesn't change the fact that I can't work today." -Kyndra, Former Manager, American Apparel

“We’re all human beings, and we all have this crazy roller coaster called life that we have to deal with on a daily. As long as you're honest, it’s completely fine! Depression is something serious, and I think if you don’t feel your best you won’t be able to perform at your best. The employee has to feel 110% fine in order for them to do an outstanding performance. And it all starts with taking care of yourself first!” -Marilyn, Former Training Manager

"As a momma of triplets + 1, who works side-by-side daily with my husband at [our] shops, I get the need for zen moments. When a staff member needs a mental health day, absolutely take the day to yourself! Life can be exhausting. Shit can go down and rock your world upside down without warning. Whatever the reason, I find it hard to judge anyone who is dealing with their shit and simply needs a day off. We all have those days. Do you. Recharge. Just don’t take it for granted. If it affects work frequently and you seem to need a mental health day on the daily/weekly, I may lose my shit." -Maggie, Chief Officer, Grethen House

"From an employer's perspective, asking in advance is always helpful. It's great to have some advance notice -- a few days or more -- so that you can plan ahead and make sure that the rest of the team is ready for your day off. However, if you live with a mental illness, it can be impossible to 'plan ahead' for a bad day. In those cases, the best way to ask is... honestly! You're not required to provide your employer with your health information, but explaining that a day off is crucial for your job performance and well-being might be a good way to approach it." -Michael, Human Resources, The Mighty

“I asked my boss for a mental health day once when my dog passed away, and I felt a fear and uneasiness like never before. I broke out in a cold sweat and felt scared and short of breath. It was not just sadness. This was four years ago, and he told me, ‘that’s life, you’re sad and you gotta just deal with it.” He told me to get a doctors note if I was really sick, and reminded me of how busy we were. My doctor took me off work for a week. [My boss] let me take time off only with a doctor visit and a note." - Zildheam, Former Loan Underwriter

“[My boss] was really apprehensive at first. It took some explaining, and I was nervous to have to break it down. But once I did, he understood. Overall I've had positive experiences asking. Since I had the time off, I knew it would be fine if I took a day, but I was asking for it for the following day which is a no-no. But I just sent him an email asking for it, stating it was for my mental health, and that I was burnt out. He asked for more details, and I just told him I had been working a ton, and my brain needed a break. I think when he asked for clarification it was more out of concern looking back on it. I remember when I wanted to ask I thought about doing it in person but I was anxious about that." -Rebecca, Marketing Coordinator

“I usually just say that I can’t come in today, or I say what the actual problem is. [For example], ‘I can’t come in today because my anxiety is at an all-time high.' Unfortunately, I usually lie when its depression. I feel like people understand high anxiety sometimes, but If I'm just like, "'Oh I'm too low energy to get out of bed’ they’re going to be like, ‘What?’” -Cassandra, Tarot Reader

"The best way to go about asking your boss for a mental health day off is to be up front and honest. Don't lie and blame it on a physical illness, because you won't get the time off you need, because you'll be worrying about being caught out or feeling guilty for not telling the truth. Sit your boss down and explain what's going on, how it affects you and why it's important that you take some time for yourself to recuperate. Honesty is key, even though it may seem daunting and you'll worry about the answer. However, most good employers will appreciate your honesty and will hopefully have some form of understanding of mental illness - I mean, with 1 in 4 people suffering, it's likely they have someone close to them going through something themselves. You'll be surprised how understanding employer's can be. Be honest and just ask them outright - and most importantly, don't worry about doing so, because the more you worry, the more stress will be put on your body and your brain, which is something you really don't need if you're struggling." -Hattie, Lifestyle Reporter, Metro UK

There you have it, habibis! Some disclaimer-y things to remember: not every suggestion above may work for you and your employer. The twisted truth is, you probably have a better chance getting the day off to take your puppy to therapy than you do calling in sick to tend to your own mood disorder. If you choose to be upfront about your need for a mental health day or be transparent about your mental illness at work, you may risk job termination (despite this being illegal) and/or various consequences. Please do not attempt to share information about your mental illness at work if you feel that your job security and/or personal safety may be in jeopardy. The above suggestions are simply personal opinions of those quoted and cannot guarantee a positive outcome if used. In addition to promoting honesty in the workplace in the name of ending the stigma, I wanted to be realistic. I made sure to include options for those who can’t be open about their mental illness at work, which you can read in the blurbs from Cassandra and Michael.

If you have a great way to ask for a mental health day, leave your story or suggestion in the comments!

Therapy Thursday # 18: Butter Your Ass Up

TOPIC: Easily build your confidence when you have as much faith in your existence as the last pea on a plate. 

WHEN TO USE: I like to use this trick (passed onto me from a previous therapist) before I release a piece of writing that I'm proud of but secretly worried everyone would think is terrible. It's great to use before you're about to release something into the world that could subject you to negative scrutiny. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Let's say you have some important news to deliver to loved ones. In my case, it might be, "I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder." Let's say I'm also really terrified of what other people are going to think of me, but I still need to tell them. To build my confidence before talking to the people I think might judge me, I will FIRST take the news of my diagnosis and tell it to a person/group of people who I am CERTAIN will support, comfort, and not judge me. Then, after I've been 'buttered up' by my support system, I will have a baseline of confidence underneath me knowing that I have at least one loving person in my corner. Now, hopefully, I can feel at least like 6 microns better about telling all those potentially judgemental fools that I'm bipolar. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because confidence is swell and so is knowing that you have people rooting for you. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Hay! I'm not a therapist, so please read my disclaimer HERE.

I'm In a German Newspaper! Can You Believe?

A few months back, myself along with a handful of other peeps were asked some questions about healthcare in the US by German outlet Die Zeit. Healthcare, if you are uninsured (in my experienced opinion) is an effing nightmare. I share some words about that AND the time Obamacare swooped in and saved my ass. The article is in German so don't forget to hit 'translate' if you need. xoxo 

Read The Article HERE!

Therapy Thursday # 17: How to Feel Like Your Life Is Not a Boundless Hell Hole

TOPIC: Gratitude Journals 

WHEN TO USE: When you feel like your life is a spiraling centrifuge of disappointment. When you feel like you have nothing good going on or nothing to live for. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Super simple. Before you go to bed, when you wake up, or whenever tickles your tahini, write down at least three things you are grateful for. It can be big or small, general or relative to your day. For example, tonight I would write down, 'I am grateful for my boyfriend, my hair, and the energy I have to blog tonight.' 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: By paying attentions to all the good things you have in your life, you will begin to shift your focus from the negative aspects of your life to the positive. A way to see the glass half full again. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Hay! I'm not a therapist, so please read my disclaimer HERE.

April 2018 Self-Care Tarot: make some damn Me time

That's Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant face wash powder NOT cocaine. Calm the fuck down.  

I spilled a family-sized tub of Wholly Guacamole™ onto our rattan area rug in March so I'm hoping for a better April. If you are too, read what Cassandra and her cards have to say about that. 

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Welcome back to Self-Care Tarot, our monthly check-in, reflection, and one card guidance using Fountain Tarot. For April we are being called to The Hermit, number nine in the Major Arcana. (We’re still on a Majors streak, which means there’s lots of big energy and ideas surrounding us in 2018 so far.) Nines in the tarot are about completion, and this Hermit is no exception. Whatever healing, coping, or self-care processes you’ve been working through, this is the month to stretch for those final goals so you can move on to the next chapter in your epic journey.

Traditionally, The Hermit is about hunkering down for some solo time and retreating from the stresses of the world. While this card can sometimes show up in the negative (like when we’re a little too fond of escaping instead of dealing), usually it shows up to signify that we need some capital-A Alone time. That alone time should be used for deep, powerful work though, not just idly rewatching Gilmore Girls for the ninth time. If you’re spiritual at all, this is time to work on some Big Magic or Prayer, working alone by moonlight to accomplish your goal. Regardless of if that part rings true for you, April is a huge time to work on your relationship with yourself and with solitude.  Spend some time alone processing some of the hardest things you’ve been mulling over for the past couple of months. Know that your inclination to isolate isn’t necessarily a bad thing right now, so long as you use that time well. Know that this time alone should be used for big, important healing, and there’s a reason you’re being called inward.

Negatively aspected, The Hermit could allude to feelings of loneliness with your mental illness journey. We might feel this month like we are the only person going through this, or like we are driving away friends and family by having nontraditional needs. Sometimes we need to sit with loneliness and let it have it’s say so we can find something out about ourselves--but in the artwork of almost any Hermit card, we see the light shining through even in this night we’re supposed to be enjoying. Look for the light. Physically count your blessings, keep your gratitude lists, and remember those times your therapist told you to look for evidence that you’re not alone. Seek company if you need it, but know that it’s there always.  -Cassandra Snow

Isn't Cassandra effing great?! Give her a follow HERE or better yet - set up your own tarot reading with her right HERE!

About the Deck: The Fountain Tarot was created by Jonathon Saiz and designed by Andi Todaro. The book was written by Jason Gruhl. The deck offers fresh, creative, modern perspectives while staying true to the heart of traditional decks like the Rider-Waite Tarot. This is an independently published deck. You can learn more and buy your own here.

A Severely Boring But V Important Disclaimer From Me to Yew: Take-Your-Pills.com is not affiliated with The Fountain Tarot or its makers. I do not receive monetary compensation should you decide to click the link and/or purchase their products. As Cassandra noted in our interview, these monthly tarot card readings, along with the accompanying advice and tips, should NEVER replace medical care. Cassandra and I are NOT medical or mental health professionals. Any self-care tips given by Cassandra, myself, and the cards, are simply opinion and intuition-based, and NOT to be used as a treatment or medical advice for mental or physical illness. The advice/tips in these posts and card readings are NOT the final words on your health, wellness, illness, relationships, existence, fortune, loved ones, misfortune, personality, future, present, past, life, etc. This blog segment is meant purely for the purpose of providing the reader with a fun monthly blog post. Xoxo thank you!

Therapy Thursday # 16: How to Heal Your Past Self So You Don't Turn Into an Unsavory Shit Head

TOPIC: Healing a past trauma 

WHEN TO USE: When you've experienced a past micro or major trauma that negatively affects your current life.

HOW TO USE (With Examples): An old DBT therapist taught me this trick, and it's legit as hell.

E! True Hollywood Story: When I was in pre-school, we had a tactile 'activity wall' lined with zippers, buttons, hooks to fasten, etc. The last activity on the wall involved learning how to pin safety pins onto fabric. I went at it, feeling confident in my ability to unfasten, stab, repeat. The next thing I know my teacher rips my unfinished magnum opus out of my hands, and with the shrill of a thousand Jacob Sartorius fans squawks, "YOUR'E NOT READY FOR THAT!!!!!" I felt smaller than a single sprinkle inadvertently ground into the carpet of a Golden Corral by its shuffling patrons. Blessed be to my therapist; she had not only helped me uncover this repressed memory but had also worked with me to identify it as one of the roots of why I have trouble trusting myself TO THIS DAY. At that moment, I felt like my confidence in my myself was not to be trusted. I felt like my thoughts and feelings were not to be trusted. I felt like I needed to ask permission to do things I had once felt confident about doing. As my therapist would put it, I experienced a micro-trauma that carried into my adult life. Like, I get it. Teachers don't want 4-year-olds giving themselves nipple piercings next to the juice boxes. And! To be fair, I don't remember the entirety of the event so I could very well have been in the middle of that path but STILL LIKE DON'T SHAME-YELL AT KIDS ITS HELLA TRAUMATIZING. Also, don't put fucking safety pins on an activity board for people who require an hour of napping and animal crackers to be a part of their school curriculum. 

ANYWAY - my therapist suggested visualizing my adult-self walking up to scared, pre-school Dominique and comforting her after seeing her teacher flip out. I could say to my young self like, "You're going to be just fine, little Dominique. You are ready for those safety pins, and you DO know what you're doing. No need to be scared or embarrassed. Your teacher was wrong, and you can trust yourself." Give little you a hug, pick them off the ground, hold their hand, pat their back -whatever comfort you needed back then but didn't get- envision giving it to your past self right now. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: You get a free pass to talk to yourself. Plus it almost feels like you get to go back in time to heal a situation. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Hay! I'm not a therapist, so please read my disclaimer HERE.

Therapy Thursday # 15: Trick Your Brain Into Thinking You're a Successful Son-of-a-Triscuit (Cuz You Are)

TOPIC: Trick your brain into feeling motivated by using this v helpful phrase. 

WHEN TO USE: If you're feeling unmotivated, unsuccessful, at a standstill in your life, too busy, etc. When you need a boost of motivation. When you need to sort out your priorities. When you literally HAVE to get up in the middle of the night to pee, but you're so fucking warm and comfortable that you don't want to move. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Instead of saying, "I don't have time," try replacing that phrase with "It's not a priority." In other words, instead of saying, "My schedule is packed. I don't have time to start seeing a therapist," try saying, "Seeing a therapist is not a priority," or "Seeking treatment for my mental illness is not a priority." This switch can help you realize things you may be neglecting, avoiding, or making excuses for not doing. When using this tool, you MUST also promise to forgive yourself if important things (like self-care, going to class, etc.) end up not being a priority for you on your shitty days. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Full disclosure - I didn't learn this trick in therapy. I learned this trick from blogger, personal trainer, and Instagrammer, @TheSelfCareSisterhood. Her blog can be found right HERE. Anything that tricks your brain into feeling motivated is legit enough to talk about on Therapy Thursday. I do want to mention that while this is motivating for some, it can make you feel anxious about getting things done, and subsequently throw you into feeling depressed because you haven't. It's happened to me, but the more I use this phrase, the more I've learned to see it as a positive, inspirational trick than one that aims to guilt you into completing a task.

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Hay! I'm not a therapist, so please read my disclaimer HERE.

Trick or Treatment: I Drank This Magic Xanax Tea For a Week and Mental Illness Is Officially Cancelled

It's that time again! Sure, my blog is called Take Your Pills, but I know damn well that meds are not the only way to deal with mental illness. I'm always looking for different shit I can put in, on, or around my body to supplement my medicated journey, which is why I started #TrickOrTreatment. In case you missed the first one (you can go back and read it here), this segment aims to test out various alternatives to western medicine and traditional therapy. This time around, I drank valerian root tea, specifically "Nighty Night" by Traditional Medicinals, for six days to see what would happen. Not #spon but you can check it out right here. Valerian in tincture form was recommended to me by an old therapist, years ago, as a natural alternative to Xanax. You can read more about the herb here because, shocker, I'm not a naturopath and trying to explain its scientific workings myself would be comical. Anyhoo, I basically used to lap it out of the dropper like a sun-shriveled gerbil, and it didn't do shit. Fast forward to now -the tea was a totally different story.  Check out that infographic below to read what went down. 

The tribe has spoken. I'd have to call this a treatment ONLY if you don't plan on driving, operating heavy machinery, or being productive after you've sipped. Also, be sure you're in a spot where it's okay to possibly fall asleep, because, in addition to easing your anxiety, that may happen. That said, this might work for you as a sleep aid too if you couldn't already tell by my results (and the literal name of the tea). On the days that I didn't have anxiety, the tea just put me to sleep. On the day with my big attack, it actually calmed me down. For the record, I had my anti-anxiety meds (I take Lorazepam) on standby because I was SURE this tea was some bullshit. I didn't even need to take them. On the last day, I was shocked that this tea brought me to a level of chilldom that somehow allowed me not to become reactive to my boyfriend when he was in a snippy mood. That is never the case with me but apparently the old Dominique couldn't come to the phone right then and that's just fucking fine. I'm not about to throw out my Lorazepam, but I'm def keeping the tea around to use when I don't feel like taking a pill during a panic attack. 

If you decide to try this, let me know how it works! AND - if this doesn't work for you, or if you aren't able to try this, DONT GIVE  UP. There is a treatment out there for you. Keep searching. Keep working with your doctors. As someone who took years to find the right combo of meds and supplements, you WILL get there. xo

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DISCLAIMER: Hi! In case you couldn’t tell from my epic reporting, these aren’t real science experiments because I’m not a real scientist. I couldn’t even tell you how to convert Celcius to Fahrenheit, and like honestly who is Kelvin and why is he here? Please note - DO NOT perform any of the above practices without consulting a doctor FIRST. Unconventional treatment methods such as the one above have NOT been evaluated by the FDA which means they are NOT regulated. That said, unregulated alternative methods of treatment could result in serious health problems, dangerous interactions with your medication(s) and/or body, unwanted side-effects, and even death. Words in these posts should NOT be used as medical advice, and any questions you may have should be directed to a medical professional. Thank you for using your common sense you intelligent person, you!

Therapy Thursday #14: Throw Your Undying Paranoid Bullshit Thoughts On A Conveyor Belt

TOPIC: A trick to make unwanted thoughts get the fuck out of your head (at least for the time being). 

WHEN TO USE: When you have irrational thoughts or fears (about that one time in 6th grade when your friends little brother pointed out your girl-stache), when you're drowning in worries (that maybe, 20 years later, your co-workers are secretly staring at said girl-stache), or when you're dealing with negative self-talk (like feeling pressure from society to get rid of your girl-stache).

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Picture a conveyor belt above your head. Plop each worry on that conveyor belt and watch the worry in your mind scoot away and out of your head. Don't analyze it, don't hold onto it -just watch it go by. Full disclosure: this one is tough for me to this day, despite learning it years ago from my DBT therapist. If you have the ability to focus your mind on the conveyor belt and detach yourself from your thoughts, give this a try! I would encourage you to try this even if you think you can't do those things too. You may surprise yourself. 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: The point of this trick is to learn to loosen your death grip on your negative thoughts. You are meant to simply observe your worries instead of analyzing, ruminating, and freaking out about them. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the segment in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my saved Instagram stories. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

March Self-Care Tarotscope: Get Some Sunscreen, You Golden Stallion

Not #spon but should be

It's 1:20 am on Friday, March 2nd which means this post is officially late. I'll keep this short. Read below to see all the gud shit from Cassandra Snow and her cards. March is going to be just fine, guys.  

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"The Sun from The Fountain Tarot is our March Self-Care tarot. This card follows the Moon (last month’s card) tarot immediately, so I reshuffled and pulled three different times and kept getting The Sun! The card does make sense as we slide into Spring. Anyone dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder over the harsh winter months will see that slip away in coming weeks as The Sun comes out. It also makes sense that if we spent February contemplating our deepest traumas and hurts, that those weeks of processing would lead us to a card as hopeful and positive as The Sun. The Sun is a card that primarily exists so that good omens exist in The Tarot. This card promises success in our family lives and careers and essentially gives us the Midas touch. 

Anything we touch in March has the potential to turn to gold. That’s great, but this is very much a “be careful what you wish for” card. For those whose energy comes and goes in fits and starts, don’t start too many projects right now because when your energy wanes, you won’t be able to keep up with their demands. Instead, focus on one or two projects or areas of your life that feel really healing and good to focus on and pour that energy there. 

Sometimes tarot is very literal, so it’s strongly recommended that we get outside and GET some sun this month. We’re likely to have the energy to jump back into outdoor activities, and the weather is letting up just enough to let us go play. It’s important to remember that while exercise and time outdoors isn’t everything and won’t “fix” your mental health problems, it can be used alongside treatment to amplify that treatment’s effects. 

Overall, March looks to be better overall than February. We’re already working on some pretty big things regarding therapy or introspection, and this is not a time to add to that. Think about using that momentum to push further and heal even more than you ever thought you could. You might have a better month than usual, but don’t overdo it. You don’t want your energy sizzling out too soon, and you don’t want to agree to more than you can sustain should you hit a low point again. If all else fails: go outside! You can use that literally or as a metaphor to do anything that feels like self-care that gets you outside of yourself." 

-Cassandra Snow

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SEE WE'RE GUNNA BE FINE, OKAY?! Okay. xo.

About the Deck: The Fountain Tarot was created by Jonathon Saiz and designed by Andi Todaro. The book was written by Jason Gruhl. The deck offers fresh, creative, modern perspectives while staying true to the heart of traditional decks like the Rider-Waite Tarot. This is an independently published deck. You can learn more and buy your own here.

A Severely Boring But V Important Disclaimer From Me to Yew: Take-Your-Pills.com is not affiliated with The Fountain Tarot or its makers. I do not receive monetary compensation should you decide to click the link and/or purchase their products. As Cassandra noted in our interview, these monthly tarot card readings, along with the accompanying advice and tips, should NEVER replace medical care. Cassandra and I are NOT medical or mental health professionals. Any self-care tips given by Cassandra, myself, and the cards, are simply opinion and intuition-based, and NOT to be used as a treatment or medical advice for mental or physical illness. The advice/tips in these posts and card readings are NOT the final words on your health, wellness, illness, relationships, existence, fortune, loved ones, misfortune, personality, future, present, past, life, etc. This blog segment is meant purely for the purpose of providing the reader with a fun monthly blog post. Xoxo thank you!

5 Mental Health Apps You Should Try Next Month (That Are Not Fucking Headspace)

10 points if you can spot my special ass learning how to use a real camera in every reflection in this picture. Also - Headspace is awesome; I'm just tired of seeing it on app lists. 

lilspace – I have a phone addiction. That isn’t some tee-hee statement about how much I heart my phone. I literally have mild panic attacks when my phone goes missing, breaks, or is forgotten. Speaking of unhealthy, I depend on my phone to distract myself from feelings I should be letting myself feel, to avoid any emotional discomfort ever. Why pay off 73 unopened Sprint bills when I can just Instagram the anxiety away?! Sound like you? lilspace is your bud. The more time you can spend unplugged, the more rewards you can earn. You can even unplug for charities and events of your choosing. For example, I stayed off my phone for LA Family Housing back in January to fight homelessness. What did you do? JK, I only lasted like 19 minutes but STILL. Try it.

Yoga Wake Up – If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, there’s probably some cliché mention of my bed. I like anything and anything having to do with beds, staying in bed, bedding in bed, whtvr. Additional fun fact that you could probably deduce: I am not about yoga. Like, I’m about it if YOU want to do it, but I’ll be waiting with a turmeric shot and a chilled towel outside. I’ve done yoga maybe a handful of times, and while it was chill, I couldn’t keep up with all the positions, got too into my head about it, and never went back. MY, HAVE THE TIDES TURNED. Yoga Wake Up has yoga (and meditation!) moves you can try RIGHT IN YOUR GODDAMN BED. If you’re not a bed bitch like me, the app heaps of other easy to follow recordings as well. Full disclosure: I was ~blessed~ with a free trial from the company to test it out. If you’re not into paying for a subscription, you can totally use it without one too.

Fabulous – This habit-tracking app is the gentle, motherly reminder that you can change your life little by little –emphasis on “little.” Dying to incorporate macramé chair weaving into your daily life? Want to work things out with your elliptical? Unsure of the coordinates of your toothbrush? Get this bad boy on your phone and in your life. The app starts by training you to ease into healthy habits like drinking water each morning. You are asked to repeat these motions each day until they become routine. Once they do, you move on to the next habit, which requires just a hint more effort than the last. In addition to pre-loaded healthy behaviors, you can add your own.

DBT Diary Card & Skills Coach – I’ve had this app for years. If I remember correctly, I started Dialectical Behavioral Therapy back in college, and my therapist recommended I try this. It’s equipped with a solid price tag, but if you use DBT skills, or enjoy the things I share in Therapy Thursday (which are mostly DBT skills I’ve learned), then this app will serve you better than the soft serve bar at Old Country Buffet. 

Spot On – This is technically a period tracker from Planned Parenthood, but I like to use it as a mood tracker on the days when the juice is not loose. You can also log your bodily happenings, the day's events, and actions. It comes with preloaded moods like ‘Happy,’ ‘Frisky,’ and ‘Blah,’ and actions like ‘Ate Junk,’ ‘Slept Well,’ ‘Had Sex.’ Bodily functions include ‘Fatigue,’ and ‘Acne,’ and, you can record the intensity of your period as well. Customizing descriptors is an option too. I added ‘anxiety’ and ‘yeast infection’ which, coincidently, are the names of my future children.